Snap

Should I write everything now?

I’m in love

I work hard

I get tired

My home is a mess

I’m late with everything

I’m going on a trip

I wish I was a full time knitter

I have dreams bigger than I dare say.

I’m on the edge of happy and weary. A place I know now.

Amourx.

On Will

Aujourd’hui je termine la petite semaine no.1, et normalement je voudrais aller au gym pour en tirer tous les avantages notoires que je n’arrête pas de constater.

Mais j’ai un mal de tête et de la surchauffe de boulot dans le corps, et quand je me sens comme ça, ma volonté baisse, et je me suis accordée de ne pas y aller.

J’ai un peu de boulot de week-end à faire - tout ça me dérange mais je ne ferai pas de corrélation entre ce soir et le bout de boulot de week-end. J’ai pas mal de latitude côté boulot et j’ai de belles vacances à venir, et mon petit bout de chemin à faire reluire.

Non pour l’exercice, je me donne un break. Repos, repos, et ensuite on continu. Je vais quand même faire les exercice de physio, et c’est tout.

Trois événements fort sympathique et amoureux ce week-end. Souper d’amis, souper chez ma soeur à la quasi campagne avec toute la famille demain, et lunch de Pâques avec ses parents. Je me sens comblée et heureuse.

Amourx.

Small weeks

I am savouring a post-exercise moment now and need to record it. I was feeling worried and tense about changes and overload and pretty much anything that comes my way. I forget than I need to do some preserving of my sanity and come back in me.

I had to leave early and felt weary. But I went at the physio, a good thing, and then I worked out at the gym. All this helped me to unplug so to speak. It’s not super strong but I have this idea, this concept, of working for the week-end. Do what I do and let chips fall where they may.

I compensate too much.

Beau called and that made my day better. Tonight it’s all about the rest of my life, be it rest, be it other stuff.

It’s a small week.

Amourx.

A bit later and I entered all my measurements in Spark. It’s odd. I am 3 pounds lighter but I think this is because I used to weigh myself with wet hair the last few times.

My chest and waist are slightly thinner, say half an inch. So far this is pointing to small and happy hurray moment.

But the plot thickens. My neck, arms, thighs and calves are all bigger. I can’t attribute this to muscles (I can’t see past my flab to the muscles).

Maybe it’s sloppy self measuring, but I like to have an explanation and a positive outlook. I’ll say that I gained in muscles on my limbs and lost weight around the waist and chest. That would be a very positive way to spin it, don’t you think?

And I quite like the smaller numbers, slowly slowly.

Reading back I see a direct correlation between a workout day and wise thoughts about letting go and things that matter. I do get relaxed through exercise and it relieves my mind of it’s anxieties. This tells me I need to keep a good rhythm.

Ramourx.

Chopped Shallots

As you may have picked up if you come by here every now and then, it’s pretty hard for me to focus on one topic for this blog. It’s my outlet, and I notably out of focus, but there may be hope.

I hereby declare that in some time, like maybe in years time, I will get back to a more balanced life and therefore a balanced blog perhaps.

Back to the now topic - health, food. I went back into logging my food on Spark. I have also looked at SOS Cuisine which is a fab website for figuring out what to eat next. And upon reading on other topics related to antidepressants and sex, two things in which I take part very regularly, I decided to try a lower carb diet. I’m not too bothered with the loss of starchy food so far.

What I am very excited about is how decadently good my supper was. Sole with generous amount of sun dried tomato pesto and cheese, and chopped shallots. Worth a post about it.

With the actual sleeping and resting that I have done at the end of the week-end, and the workout yesterday, and the good eating, I am in a much better shape to tackle work craziness. In truth I have been at 50% for many weeks, always so tired. Now I finally feel better. Lets see how that goes on.

Amourx.

Enjoying the Deficit

Just a quick note of motivation, to say that I worked out really well today after work, and I ate super well too. It’s surprising the amount of nutrients in white beans. With tuna and spinach, even better. And now I rest, confident about my calorie deficit of the day, and happy.

I would like to add that I feel just heavenly now, in my body and even, believe it or not, in my mind. This is important to note, when it happens :)

Pang Evolution

Woha. Tonight is very interesting because it is Sunday, and I am staying home alone voluntarily to have a quiet night in. I knew I was stressed, i know that next week is going to be rough and rocky but perhaps not as bad as last week. This being Sunday is the day when I get that point.

Since my man went off to have drinks with his friends, I am happy to be in quietness, eating salad!, knitting, good stuff. And this is when I am feeling a burst, a splash, a PANG of stress growing in me ho hum. I wanted you guys to know.

Normally my week-ends are filled with excitement, love, food, great company and a bit of resting. Normally there is something special that I do. Dinner or drinks with friends, a new restaurant, sometimes a foray out of town. Normally there is a lot of drinking involved in my week-ends.

This week-end, there was a lot of good stuff too. But I kept it very tempered. I made a chilli and took it to the boys to eat. It was yummmy with 3 m's, and I had more to drink that I would expect (I should know better with these boys). The boys loved it too and our friend had some leftover for lunch tomorrow. The boys are my man and his best friend. I like to keep both happy if I can.

Beau got me a toothbrush for his flat and I joked that it meant that we are official now. Well it's almost four months folks. But we are solid and I love it. Today we walked about and looked at the shoppes. He found two lovely tops for me and even, one of them which is the nicest thing ever, he bought! AND we got some Polish donuts, Ponczki. As well as some Michalky chocolates. The name Michalky is a plural diminutive of his name. Therefor I have several small pieces of him with me. I could say that about him without the chocolates too.

Soon we are going on a well desired trip under the sun together. This should be lovely. So my life and this quiet week-end is not banal, even as I rest in the quiet and feel a pang.

I'll do my best, for the pang. I can see now how beautiful my life is. I can shatter pangs, I'm not afraid.

Amourx.

Adequation

I would be a knitwear writer, teacher and lecturer if this existed. I don't produce finished pieces very frequently. I can design on the fly, I have done it with a scarf, and I modify things on the go. I don't like to reknit so I often integrate mistakes as part of a new design element if I can get away with it. But none of this makes me a master knitter or designer. I would be a knitting scholar.

I am home being quiet and this is good. Work is very challenging and stressful, but I cleared the week-end of it and this is good.

Last week, believe it, I had a St-Patrick's party at my place. Can you believe it? Moi? And also, it was a complete success. I hosted with my beau, we are a great team. He helped me prepare my apartment and clean big time afterwards (way beyond my standards). Guests where friendly, brought food, had lots of drinks, and stayed until past 4 in the morning. One even slept on the couch, and the day after was tough as it should be. My friends liked his friends, and vice versa. I could not have dreamed up of a better scenario, and I am grateful, blessed, happy, everything.

It is the first time that I have people officially over for a party. It is a big step for me. And my beau is there all the way, in fact he was the enabler. I love him (and he loves me). My apartment is changed and I brought in a few pieces to decorate. All in all I finally feel adequate, socially. I took me some time.

I had to lapse at my fitness plan boohoo. The after-party, and the tempo at work made it hard for me to go to the gym after work. I have worked late and packed in double-duty days, in which I do twice the work in half the time, somehow, consistently. This rhythm should never be sustained for too long, but I am at that point. Help has arrived now and I will see an improvement, but right now, it's just all burn.

Tonight I wanted to hang in there quietly and not feel to sad/guilty about the gym. The intention is good, life sometimes gets in the way, and sometimes it's great stuff like hosting your own party too. I vow to let great stuff get in the way when it can, and have no regrets about it. Life is short and I am living it.

Amourx.