Cette chanson me donne le goût de retomber en amour. Elle réveille le dragon qui dort. Si l'étranger est prêt à me trouver, ça sera épique. J'espère savoir le reconnaître, j'espère savoir l'accueillir, j'espère. C'est sur le cd merveilleux de Maggie Bjorklund. Amourx.
Je crois que c'est une chanson de deuil et de cette façon elle me brise le coeur. C'est souvent des chansons de regret qui pour moi deviennent des chansons d'espoir. J'ai jamais dis que j'étais simple. Si j'avais à l'expliquer je dirais que ça viens chercher mon subconscient, ma vie antérieure ou je ne sais trop, un vieux sentiment d'enfance peut-être. Ou tout ceux que j'ai aimé. Mais c'est définitivement un sentiment annonciateur.
Intertwined
Christy McWilson
dream dream and keep dreaming
you never know
somewhere in time
there’s a place we’ll go
two kites in the heavens
our hearts intertwined
floating along
somewhere in time
sleep with the angels
and sing with the sea
sleep with the wind
and i’ll hear you singing to me
i’ll climb that mountain again
if i had the power
to reel you back in
i’d cast off these hours
that never end
but i’m on the shoreline
so i pretend
dream dream and keep dreaming
if you never knew
how deep is love
i know now you do
dream dream and keep dreaming
i’m dreaming too
somewhere in time
i’ll be with you
sleep with the angels
and sing with the sea
sleep with the wind
and i’ll hear you singing to me
i’d climb that mountain again
if i had the power
to reel you back in
i’d cast off these hours
that never end
but i’m on the shoreline
so i pretend
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day Two
I went running for the second day today. I wanted to record that I was sleepy after work as usual, and I would normally go for my 9% (only two or three of those beers left in the fridge, you won't be hearing about it forever) because it is such a nice way to relax I find. But, I was going to run and I couldn't drink before a run.
I relaxed and read for an hour and then I went. And when I came back I didn't need that much of a drink. This run relaxes me equally, and I just wanted to record that. I have a giant pile of dishes to wash and well, I'm almost up for it but we'll see.
I guess what I want out of this is to be more active. More spontaneously able to get up and go, attack all tasks and head out into the world. It's what the doctor ordered too.
I haven't done well on the budget front. I don't have cash saved up for my trip, my credit cards are under 1K and I usually can pay this back fast enough, but not this time with the bills that are coming in. And my fall back credit margin is full. It's the first time that I don't have a fall back. I usually use this account to pay for my trips, and I guess that the last one took its tole. Knowing all this, I still made a 100$ spur of a moment purchase yesterday. This is my fix for sure. This time it was for headphones, two pairs. Don't ask, but they are purple and I will love them and hold them and keep them forever.
So my trip to Turkey will be borrowed on my credit card? I presume that after that I'll be orchestrating a big budget intervention or something. My plain ticket is already bought, so now I need to figure out my trip's expenses.
All in it's time. Luvx.
I relaxed and read for an hour and then I went. And when I came back I didn't need that much of a drink. This run relaxes me equally, and I just wanted to record that. I have a giant pile of dishes to wash and well, I'm almost up for it but we'll see.
I guess what I want out of this is to be more active. More spontaneously able to get up and go, attack all tasks and head out into the world. It's what the doctor ordered too.
I haven't done well on the budget front. I don't have cash saved up for my trip, my credit cards are under 1K and I usually can pay this back fast enough, but not this time with the bills that are coming in. And my fall back credit margin is full. It's the first time that I don't have a fall back. I usually use this account to pay for my trips, and I guess that the last one took its tole. Knowing all this, I still made a 100$ spur of a moment purchase yesterday. This is my fix for sure. This time it was for headphones, two pairs. Don't ask, but they are purple and I will love them and hold them and keep them forever.
So my trip to Turkey will be borrowed on my credit card? I presume that after that I'll be orchestrating a big budget intervention or something. My plain ticket is already bought, so now I need to figure out my trip's expenses.
All in it's time. Luvx.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Fleet St.
Before I get completely taken by my second beer (9% can send me away), I need to say a few things. Discovered three gems at the disk store -- why yes, i bought myself 3 old real deal compact disks. My thoughts are already very fleeting. But it is beautiful this music and this rain called Irene. Someone said she was ugly but I'd say she's regal. I love that word.
When I get back to the purpose of what was supposed to be this post I will give you a shout, but right away I can say that I feel reborn sort of. Free, finally, and together (in the singular sense of the term). It's been 6 years since I have been free and being 'together' is only starting just. This is fleeting too. I feel stronger today.
I've got these old feelings and emotions creeping back up. Substantial stuff, reminding me of who I was and I am. The little darker subversive side of me, with tentacles i hope. I thought of writing a letter to my ex's friend just to make a point... but friends, when the internet connection goes off just before you press send -- this means something. You better listen, I'm just saying.
Cooking up a lasagna now, letting the sauce simmer. This is not a metaphor. Going away with the music and the 9%, feeling good and feeling who I am. Amen.
Amourx.
When I get back to the purpose of what was supposed to be this post I will give you a shout, but right away I can say that I feel reborn sort of. Free, finally, and together (in the singular sense of the term). It's been 6 years since I have been free and being 'together' is only starting just. This is fleeting too. I feel stronger today.
I've got these old feelings and emotions creeping back up. Substantial stuff, reminding me of who I was and I am. The little darker subversive side of me, with tentacles i hope. I thought of writing a letter to my ex's friend just to make a point... but friends, when the internet connection goes off just before you press send -- this means something. You better listen, I'm just saying.
Cooking up a lasagna now, letting the sauce simmer. This is not a metaphor. Going away with the music and the 9%, feeling good and feeling who I am. Amen.
Amourx.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sonata
The weight-in this morning brought me a half a pound bigger. I'm struggling or not doing this well. Of course there was the insane outlawed night where not only drinks where drunken but food was eaten. And most nights of the week I went over my calorie limit, but I must say that I ate well and varied. I even made chicken stock and had Tonkenese style soup 3 times, yum.
I will take up running. Read the book. Should be fine. And then I say, half a pound is not the end of the world.
What else is inspiring me in this morning, let's see. I'm at the café. Yesterday it was the first night in forever that I wanted to get un and clean my kitchen without any nagging feeling behind me of what a low-po I am. It was enjoyable,even, cause I listened to podcasts and had exactly two shelfs in neat order and I guess that's all it takes. I'm contemplating doing a podcast myself. But it is quite a step to put myself out there. Though, much easier than going on stage in front of a crowd.
My friend wants to go clubbing in sleazytown and lo that is not what I'm up to. Bad music and too much drinking won't do me any good. And yes I am worried about not meeting someone forever but these places don't make me feel any better, they tend to make me feel worse. And I don't want to judge -- in fact I'm not, I'm just saying.
Can I say that I signed up to two meeting sites, received a lot of emails and immediately created a rule in my inbox to send them all to a folder called 'lost hopes', never to look at them again. Lost hope isn't for the quality of the emails, they were generic enough. It's more that I found the system overwhelming perhaps. I wasn't ready. But I think I should initiate a first date just to get in motion. It's been 6 years after all, except for a little bumpy period 4 years ago.
What would do me good? I would go to a concert if I where doing something like that. I would go to the beach or to the mountain. I would go visit the gym and maybe I would shop for a set of weights for the home. Create my new workout. I would clean my craft room so that I can buy my Singer Talent sewing machine. I would roam around town and discover stuff and have a really great day. And if someone offered to do something like that with me, I would go.
A small blond curly haired cherub just climbed on the seat beside me, no mom to be seen. Cuteness. She eventually came to corral him. He came back and was corralled back by his papa.
Amourx.
I will take up running. Read the book. Should be fine. And then I say, half a pound is not the end of the world.
What else is inspiring me in this morning, let's see. I'm at the café. Yesterday it was the first night in forever that I wanted to get un and clean my kitchen without any nagging feeling behind me of what a low-po I am. It was enjoyable,even, cause I listened to podcasts and had exactly two shelfs in neat order and I guess that's all it takes. I'm contemplating doing a podcast myself. But it is quite a step to put myself out there. Though, much easier than going on stage in front of a crowd.
My friend wants to go clubbing in sleazytown and lo that is not what I'm up to. Bad music and too much drinking won't do me any good. And yes I am worried about not meeting someone forever but these places don't make me feel any better, they tend to make me feel worse. And I don't want to judge -- in fact I'm not, I'm just saying.
Can I say that I signed up to two meeting sites, received a lot of emails and immediately created a rule in my inbox to send them all to a folder called 'lost hopes', never to look at them again. Lost hope isn't for the quality of the emails, they were generic enough. It's more that I found the system overwhelming perhaps. I wasn't ready. But I think I should initiate a first date just to get in motion. It's been 6 years after all, except for a little bumpy period 4 years ago.
What would do me good? I would go to a concert if I where doing something like that. I would go to the beach or to the mountain. I would go visit the gym and maybe I would shop for a set of weights for the home. Create my new workout. I would clean my craft room so that I can buy my Singer Talent sewing machine. I would roam around town and discover stuff and have a really great day. And if someone offered to do something like that with me, I would go.
A small blond curly haired cherub just climbed on the seat beside me, no mom to be seen. Cuteness. She eventually came to corral him. He came back and was corralled back by his papa.
Amourx.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Continental
I think that indeed I must have lived something meaningful last Sunday. A small crack in a crusty, thick and dusty tectonic plate, bringing light in dark forgotten places. It might even be permanent! And I may want to keep prying at those old crusts, but not too fast. It's fun to think that inside I may have a world as vast and as old as our continents.
I have been tired most of the week. Nights like Sunday, where there is clearly too much drinking, too little sleeping and too much fun, I call outlaw nights. It scared me that a single outlaw night could cause this. But now I think that I'm covering a cold. Sometimes I don't get much symptoms other that being exceedingly tired. That must mean that I'm in good health.
Week-end ahead and I am looking forward to time alone again. I would go on a road trip, would love to, but I may be quiet at home too. It's not that I don't love people, I do, but I get drained easily. When I get used to someone's company it's fine, but being around new people all the time is not relaxing for me.
Work has been hard this week mainly because of my cold if that's what it is. Monday was impossible as if I was a teenager again, almost still drunk from the night before. Wednesday I did an easy internal presentation and my speech got entangled quite a bit aarg (public speaking nerves anyone?) - I want to work on that. Tuesday morning I went to the yoga class yay! It's such a great class for me. But I've been eating out a lot this week and my diet is sub par -- so lets see what the scale tells me on Saturday.
Luvx.
I have been tired most of the week. Nights like Sunday, where there is clearly too much drinking, too little sleeping and too much fun, I call outlaw nights. It scared me that a single outlaw night could cause this. But now I think that I'm covering a cold. Sometimes I don't get much symptoms other that being exceedingly tired. That must mean that I'm in good health.
Week-end ahead and I am looking forward to time alone again. I would go on a road trip, would love to, but I may be quiet at home too. It's not that I don't love people, I do, but I get drained easily. When I get used to someone's company it's fine, but being around new people all the time is not relaxing for me.
Work has been hard this week mainly because of my cold if that's what it is. Monday was impossible as if I was a teenager again, almost still drunk from the night before. Wednesday I did an easy internal presentation and my speech got entangled quite a bit aarg (public speaking nerves anyone?) - I want to work on that. Tuesday morning I went to the yoga class yay! It's such a great class for me. But I've been eating out a lot this week and my diet is sub par -- so lets see what the scale tells me on Saturday.
Luvx.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Rideau!
Un vent de stupeur fatiguée me travaille. Mon ex me trompait, je m'en doutait. Mais aussi peu que je puis dire que je l'aimais, ça fera toujours mal comme un poignard dans coeur. Normal. Je sais pas si c'est les drogues prescrites, la fatigue, ou la liberté que j'aie qui tempère le tout, je n'en verserai plus de larme, pas pour lui.
Liberté que j'ai - c'est très très rarement, je casse des moules. J'ai l'impression d'en avoir cassé un ce week-end, et c'est dans l'expression que ça se trouve. Dire ce qu'on vit, savoir qu'on est pas seule. Mais c'était aussi une beuverie délurée. Je suis un peu sous un leurre, je le sens aussi.
N'empeche que ça a l'effet bien réel que je m'ouvre au monde comme si j'étais naturellement désinhibée, et que le rideau noir c'est levé. Personne n'est une menace, tout es simple. Damn que je suis parano derrière le rideau. J'espère tant qu'il ne tombe plus jamais.
Amourx.
Liberté que j'ai - c'est très très rarement, je casse des moules. J'ai l'impression d'en avoir cassé un ce week-end, et c'est dans l'expression que ça se trouve. Dire ce qu'on vit, savoir qu'on est pas seule. Mais c'était aussi une beuverie délurée. Je suis un peu sous un leurre, je le sens aussi.
N'empeche que ça a l'effet bien réel que je m'ouvre au monde comme si j'étais naturellement désinhibée, et que le rideau noir c'est levé. Personne n'est une menace, tout es simple. Damn que je suis parano derrière le rideau. J'espère tant qu'il ne tombe plus jamais.
Amourx.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Now
An interesting thing happened last night. 5 smart, independent, beautiful girls met over delicious bites and copious drinks. It was an illegal to drink night because of work the next day. Somehow we bonded so much that each had a breakthrough reveal, some tears and lots of laughter.
It's magnificent because we tough skinned women are hard to break-through. When we are not trying to survive, we often compete, compare, doubt and more importantly we do this in silence. Each holding her secret of pain like a dead talisman weight. It's a rare thing when three, let alone five women raise the curtain and reveal it. And it is a powerful thing when it happens. For once we are not alone, and our ugly secret wasn't, and we weren't bad as we thought, we were all right all along. We never said it, but once it is said, it goes away a little bit. Whatever hardship it was that kept us suffering in silence and apart.
When women talk we become free and powerful again. I will remember this. Life is bigger outside of the confines that we build around ours, our thick protection. When you say the word, you free yourself. Amourx.
I also learned what i suspected about my ex, and it hurt. But that will pass. I do need to move on, and most especially, love myself now.
It's magnificent because we tough skinned women are hard to break-through. When we are not trying to survive, we often compete, compare, doubt and more importantly we do this in silence. Each holding her secret of pain like a dead talisman weight. It's a rare thing when three, let alone five women raise the curtain and reveal it. And it is a powerful thing when it happens. For once we are not alone, and our ugly secret wasn't, and we weren't bad as we thought, we were all right all along. We never said it, but once it is said, it goes away a little bit. Whatever hardship it was that kept us suffering in silence and apart.
When women talk we become free and powerful again. I will remember this. Life is bigger outside of the confines that we build around ours, our thick protection. When you say the word, you free yourself. Amourx.
I also learned what i suspected about my ex, and it hurt. But that will pass. I do need to move on, and most especially, love myself now.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Housekeeping
Hello Eternal readers of the spotless mind,
I have jotted down who my man would be, and I thought I would print it here for the record. Anyone like this may apply:
He's Tall - 6 feet at least. I will consider 5'10 and up if he is really truly great.
His build is fit, average, thin or a few extra pounds. I don't like heavy overweight or ultra muscular.
His temper is calm, alert and engaged. He is smart and mature, kind, perceptive, patient, adventurous, curious, proactive, mysterious, gutsy, active, imaginative, sensual, fun, playful.
He's different. He's not looking for bling or just a fling, though he has those of course. He may speak different tongues and he may be from any nationality. I do like bright and deep eyes that can ruffle my insides with just a look.
It's important that he isn't overly jealous or controlling or dominant, but a bit of the first and last are ok for spice.
I have jotted down who my man would be, and I thought I would print it here for the record. Anyone like this may apply:
He's Tall - 6 feet at least. I will consider 5'10 and up if he is really truly great.
His build is fit, average, thin or a few extra pounds. I don't like heavy overweight or ultra muscular.
His temper is calm, alert and engaged. He is smart and mature, kind, perceptive, patient, adventurous, curious, proactive, mysterious, gutsy, active, imaginative, sensual, fun, playful.
He's different. He's not looking for bling or just a fling, though he has those of course. He may speak different tongues and he may be from any nationality. I do like bright and deep eyes that can ruffle my insides with just a look.
It's important that he isn't overly jealous or controlling or dominant, but a bit of the first and last are ok for spice.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Candy, Beer, Singles and Rocks
Back from work. I had a rocky day again on an emotional level. Found I was bleeding which explains some of the sensitivity I have. I was fiery and angry in the morning. I fasted because of yesterday's calories, but the 3 gigantic bags of chocolate and candy left unattended on my colleagues desk got me, and I had those for breakfast.
Meeting, interviewing, work-lunches with boys so I had 2 beers with my salad. Nothing overly difficult and not a hard day, and truly fabulous weather and an invitation to go out later that I accepted, because as a rule I accept invitations. It's a tough choice though because what I really want to do is go hide under a rock, and stay there for a couple days.
I'm back to wearying about meeting men or not meeting me. Cause singles around me are filing rank and getting back into couples. I feel jealous, deficient and lowly about that. Ho hum. Not so good.
A good 2-3 days alone talking to no-one should help, should help.
Amourx.
Meeting, interviewing, work-lunches with boys so I had 2 beers with my salad. Nothing overly difficult and not a hard day, and truly fabulous weather and an invitation to go out later that I accepted, because as a rule I accept invitations. It's a tough choice though because what I really want to do is go hide under a rock, and stay there for a couple days.
I'm back to wearying about meeting men or not meeting me. Cause singles around me are filing rank and getting back into couples. I feel jealous, deficient and lowly about that. Ho hum. Not so good.
A good 2-3 days alone talking to no-one should help, should help.
Amourx.
Calm Terribly
Anxiety has been rising this week and I have been feeling not so hot about myself. There is change at work - I am losing a team member who is going to a good place, and we are hiring two or even three new people. Should be good news but I am surely reacting to uncertainties. The bigger emotion though comes from being pushed away from teams and indeed, unwillingly, from my own boss. I know that it is not personal, but it still matters. I have addressed it and am satisfied that I did what I should have done, and actions are taken in the right direction. But it can explain why I feel lowly about myself.
On the better front I have exercised ahead of time wednesday because I knew I wouldn't have time or inclination yesterday since it was my mother's birthday and we went out to dinner. I ate a whopping 1400 calories in this meal, and I don't think that I counted everything! But fun was had and that is what counts of course :-). My mom looked beautiful in a modern silky deep lilac shirt and cropped hair. And my whole family including the kiddies where colour coordinated. Except for the 2 teenagers but that is fitting.
From the pile of self-help books that I bought I am currently reading The Highly Sensitive Person (that's me), Smart Women Finish Rich and Nourir son cerveau (Feeding our brain). I created a budget in the spark budget website, and intend to get a hold of my financial life as well as my fitness.
I still crave the intense calm that I have when I spend entire days alone without speaking to anyone. I need calm terribly.
Tomorrow I intend to go to the NDG art/food festival. Saturday I have a pool-side get together with good girlfriends in suburbia. As long as I get calm, I think that I will indeed find beautiful life.
Amourx.
On the better front I have exercised ahead of time wednesday because I knew I wouldn't have time or inclination yesterday since it was my mother's birthday and we went out to dinner. I ate a whopping 1400 calories in this meal, and I don't think that I counted everything! But fun was had and that is what counts of course :-). My mom looked beautiful in a modern silky deep lilac shirt and cropped hair. And my whole family including the kiddies where colour coordinated. Except for the 2 teenagers but that is fitting.
From the pile of self-help books that I bought I am currently reading The Highly Sensitive Person (that's me), Smart Women Finish Rich and Nourir son cerveau (Feeding our brain). I created a budget in the spark budget website, and intend to get a hold of my financial life as well as my fitness.
I still crave the intense calm that I have when I spend entire days alone without speaking to anyone. I need calm terribly.
Tomorrow I intend to go to the NDG art/food festival. Saturday I have a pool-side get together with good girlfriends in suburbia. As long as I get calm, I think that I will indeed find beautiful life.
Amourx.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
In the Garden
I hesitate to copy this thread of fitness idea over to the Spark site, cause one of the best thing about blogging is going back in years to find out how you have been in the past. I worry that fitness is not interesting to most people, or not unique enough to talk about. But I don't really post for others. Specially since I don't get read hehe.
I like this. Writing is probably 50% of the fun and it is effective for me. Getting read is great too but I don't force this at all. So.
I feel great actually. I have only trained for 2.5 weeks, 3 times a week for 30 minutes except for when I do the morning yoga class that is 60 minutes. I wanted to start slow and easy, cause I felt unbalanced. My muscles were so underused that my body lacked structure, it seemed. I'm eaten balanced and controlled meals throughout, and drinking more water. And now I already have what feels like a foundation and it makes a world of a difference. It is grounding to feel that your body is there, strong and ready. I am lucky to respond so quickly to light training.
I've spoken about issues to my boss/colleague and have been heard. There is a whirlwind of change in my department and it is getting handled smoothly. I believe I have something to do with that smoothness.
I've decided not to bother hunting for man at all, for the season at least. It makes me anxious and weary. And I have things to tend to that are neglected -- my home and various appointments and stuff. I would love to meet the man, or indeed a man, of course. I'm actually going through a process veering away from someone that I am attracted too. Nothing heavy, it's kind of sweet, and it's all in my head. That's how I am, big inner life.
I bought 10 books at the used bookshop and 8 of them are some form of self-help (including fitness and nutrition). I have some tending to do in the garden, I'd say.
Amourx.
I like this. Writing is probably 50% of the fun and it is effective for me. Getting read is great too but I don't force this at all. So.
I feel great actually. I have only trained for 2.5 weeks, 3 times a week for 30 minutes except for when I do the morning yoga class that is 60 minutes. I wanted to start slow and easy, cause I felt unbalanced. My muscles were so underused that my body lacked structure, it seemed. I'm eaten balanced and controlled meals throughout, and drinking more water. And now I already have what feels like a foundation and it makes a world of a difference. It is grounding to feel that your body is there, strong and ready. I am lucky to respond so quickly to light training.
I've spoken about issues to my boss/colleague and have been heard. There is a whirlwind of change in my department and it is getting handled smoothly. I believe I have something to do with that smoothness.
I've decided not to bother hunting for man at all, for the season at least. It makes me anxious and weary. And I have things to tend to that are neglected -- my home and various appointments and stuff. I would love to meet the man, or indeed a man, of course. I'm actually going through a process veering away from someone that I am attracted too. Nothing heavy, it's kind of sweet, and it's all in my head. That's how I am, big inner life.
I bought 10 books at the used bookshop and 8 of them are some form of self-help (including fitness and nutrition). I have some tending to do in the garden, I'd say.
Amourx.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Step1 - Focus
In keeping with the Spark program but a little more privately here, where I believe that I have no readers hehe, I am going to try to focus and write down my goals.
If the scale is correct today then I have 20 pounds to lose. This small goal isn't exactly the ultimate objective, but it may serve as barometer of how I am doing and it is also a vector for positive change. A good start.
What do I want out of life?
Keep mental health. This means to keep taking care of my anxiety and depressive tendencies. Keep learning skills to manage stress and anxiety. Improve my self esteem. Take breaks and vacations when they are needed, rest enough, fight repression, etc.
Nurture and develop relationships in love, friendship and family.
Be fit and healthy.
Become a visible figure in society. Host, give speech, give presentations, conferences.
Open my house to the world. This means to conquer clutter, cleaning, organization as well as hosting dinner parties and all kinds of parties.
I think that those are very good goals indeed.
Luvx
If the scale is correct today then I have 20 pounds to lose. This small goal isn't exactly the ultimate objective, but it may serve as barometer of how I am doing and it is also a vector for positive change. A good start.
What do I want out of life?
Keep mental health. This means to keep taking care of my anxiety and depressive tendencies. Keep learning skills to manage stress and anxiety. Improve my self esteem. Take breaks and vacations when they are needed, rest enough, fight repression, etc.
Nurture and develop relationships in love, friendship and family.
Be fit and healthy.
Become a visible figure in society. Host, give speech, give presentations, conferences.
Open my house to the world. This means to conquer clutter, cleaning, organization as well as hosting dinner parties and all kinds of parties.
I think that those are very good goals indeed.
Luvx
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Hair, Weight, Age
Morning after night with girlfriends. I'm happy to report that my late thirties self is not frazzled like my late twenties self was. Hurray. And that my hair is wild and tamed, surely one of the nicer things of growing up.
I was on spark (yes) and can blog about my weight if you please. I have both gained weight and confidence lately. The confidence has to do with the way I dress and that comes from an attitude. It goes like this. Can I wear this? Dare I wear this? Yes? Then do it. There is no other day like today, and I prefer mistakes over inhibition anytime.
The scale is particularly high this morning, but I feel good.
I was on spark (yes) and can blog about my weight if you please. I have both gained weight and confidence lately. The confidence has to do with the way I dress and that comes from an attitude. It goes like this. Can I wear this? Dare I wear this? Yes? Then do it. There is no other day like today, and I prefer mistakes over inhibition anytime.
The scale is particularly high this morning, but I feel good.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Not so Easy
I must come here when I am a tiny tidbit low, cause here I am again sitting on that fence. Not terribly low at all, but just looking at low, weary.
I have just returned from a solo holiday. It was perfect and I didn't get bored one minute. I drove for 600 miles all in all. Spent it at my usual getaway, Charlevoix, had a glorious suite, saw a classical music concert, went kayaking and saw many belugas. Also I read and knit, saw some family and am a generally happy camper.
But it's day two upon my return. I'm frightfully antsy or angry at work. My temper is off, way off. Just from vibes mainly. I'm sort of aware that it's mainly a me-thing. It will smooth out I'm sure.
I am starting to be weary of... meeting someone. Just normally, as time goes by, I'm not sure how it will go. I have already identified that it is not a group thing. You don't gang up and go meet. Check. I accept all invitations, but alas I have not had one from a man. I haven't pinpointed a man to invite either. And well, I'd like to run into one soon and that I could go about all that all easy. That's all.
Amourx
I have just returned from a solo holiday. It was perfect and I didn't get bored one minute. I drove for 600 miles all in all. Spent it at my usual getaway, Charlevoix, had a glorious suite, saw a classical music concert, went kayaking and saw many belugas. Also I read and knit, saw some family and am a generally happy camper.
But it's day two upon my return. I'm frightfully antsy or angry at work. My temper is off, way off. Just from vibes mainly. I'm sort of aware that it's mainly a me-thing. It will smooth out I'm sure.
I am starting to be weary of... meeting someone. Just normally, as time goes by, I'm not sure how it will go. I have already identified that it is not a group thing. You don't gang up and go meet. Check. I accept all invitations, but alas I have not had one from a man. I haven't pinpointed a man to invite either. And well, I'd like to run into one soon and that I could go about all that all easy. That's all.
Amourx
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