I did hear Archie say 2 words that he may have learned from me, today: Context and Error. Do I trust him more? No. That would be for another life (yes, that's over my dead body). For this one, I'll keep my stance: Pro-fes-sion-nal. It's Easy.
That's all - I am that simply content.
And happy about everything else I have - I am rich, like chocolate.
Amourx.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Revolution Nonetheless
This day is meaningful. Why? Is it random, like the proverbial box of chocolate? Is it moon tuned? Who knows.
It started yesterday, with a full-on argument with my new boss (also known as the plant). The things I heard, friends, aren't very good. But I wasn't surprised. Now the resentment he feels for me is out in the open. Me? I remained professional, even if I had a few tears during the shout out. The resentment I feel for him, well, it changed. I'm getting to know him, and I am surprised, impressed, dumbfounded, about his approach to work and to me. Apparently he has a charm side. I've just never been there.
It's not boring. I've been good at not caving into sadness and such. Cause even coming from someone that I don't exactly admire, the words did hurt. I keep checking to make sure that I'm not that lowly person. I reassure myself - his litany really wasn't founded. Then I feel the prickly stab of unfair - it's unfair! My critique to him is the same as I addressed to the company he came from (but maybe he was the problem?): all talk, zero substance. This isn't great ammunition.
People, this is war. It's going to be a cold one. A tranquil revolution as my people do, if you will.
Exhausting. But, that was yesterday! What did I do today? Why is today so meaningful?
Well I totally re-fell in love with my beau. He is FUN. AND, we talked about things we never talk about. Things that are confronting, like... adults! Well I never! I mean, 'confronting'. That wasn't even in my vocabulary, like, yesterday.
This morning, I reclaimed the last piece of property I had in my old apartment, a door lock. There, my old arch-nemesis, the owner, and I, talked like long time friends while beau unscrewed the lock and replaced it with a fill-in lock. I even earnestly gave pointers to the owner, showing him how he could take a wall down, make better use of the space here and there. He took note and seemed honest when he said that I had good ideas, that he had never thought of that. We gave each other a farewell and wished us luck. Civilization has turned upside down!
Well, I guess that I have a new person to worry about, but calling him arch-nemesis would be a bit much. I think that we're meant to look up to arches.
And the day beautifully finished with beau and I putting leaning shelves up together and placing the ladder in my bathroom, where I will finish the day in the most relaxing bath ever.
Did I say I spent 400$ today, without blinking.
I think that I'm onto something ;-)
Amourxxx
It started yesterday, with a full-on argument with my new boss (also known as the plant). The things I heard, friends, aren't very good. But I wasn't surprised. Now the resentment he feels for me is out in the open. Me? I remained professional, even if I had a few tears during the shout out. The resentment I feel for him, well, it changed. I'm getting to know him, and I am surprised, impressed, dumbfounded, about his approach to work and to me. Apparently he has a charm side. I've just never been there.
It's not boring. I've been good at not caving into sadness and such. Cause even coming from someone that I don't exactly admire, the words did hurt. I keep checking to make sure that I'm not that lowly person. I reassure myself - his litany really wasn't founded. Then I feel the prickly stab of unfair - it's unfair! My critique to him is the same as I addressed to the company he came from (but maybe he was the problem?): all talk, zero substance. This isn't great ammunition.
People, this is war. It's going to be a cold one. A tranquil revolution as my people do, if you will.
Exhausting. But, that was yesterday! What did I do today? Why is today so meaningful?
Well I totally re-fell in love with my beau. He is FUN. AND, we talked about things we never talk about. Things that are confronting, like... adults! Well I never! I mean, 'confronting'. That wasn't even in my vocabulary, like, yesterday.
This morning, I reclaimed the last piece of property I had in my old apartment, a door lock. There, my old arch-nemesis, the owner, and I, talked like long time friends while beau unscrewed the lock and replaced it with a fill-in lock. I even earnestly gave pointers to the owner, showing him how he could take a wall down, make better use of the space here and there. He took note and seemed honest when he said that I had good ideas, that he had never thought of that. We gave each other a farewell and wished us luck. Civilization has turned upside down!
Well, I guess that I have a new person to worry about, but calling him arch-nemesis would be a bit much. I think that we're meant to look up to arches.
And the day beautifully finished with beau and I putting leaning shelves up together and placing the ladder in my bathroom, where I will finish the day in the most relaxing bath ever.
Did I say I spent 400$ today, without blinking.
I think that I'm onto something ;-)
Amourxxx
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Self Stuff
Hints of despair are hitting me in the background - I recognize myself. The hurt girl with a life that I could only grasp with hindsight, and only by pieces, not enough to solve the puzzle completely. I've become so rational now. No. I have unwarped the formless ball of emotion that was my interface with the world. I learned to un-ra-vel things in their time, like space between words when you speak. This came late - but it pays back a lot. I don't cry very often now. I talk.
So i'm learning a few things about myself. I'm fast pace. I WANT stuff. I'm action and concrete. I Celebrate. I'm outspoken, of all things. I'm hungry, and I'm content. I am not so afraid, and not so lonely. Not lonely, I should say. I'm still very sensing and emotional, but that doesn't rule now, it assists.
The old me was too fragile, too hurting. It didn't work, for all the respect I have.
But today, I'm under the weather and immobile, and I feel stuff that I used to feel. Aaah, there it is, that old me. I'm gonna let her in. The sadness is here now. It was permanent then. It's an old (wise?) friend.
Going back into a ball where I don't have to speak, don't have to appear, just be on my own. And see what comes out of it.
Amourxxx
So i'm learning a few things about myself. I'm fast pace. I WANT stuff. I'm action and concrete. I Celebrate. I'm outspoken, of all things. I'm hungry, and I'm content. I am not so afraid, and not so lonely. Not lonely, I should say. I'm still very sensing and emotional, but that doesn't rule now, it assists.
The old me was too fragile, too hurting. It didn't work, for all the respect I have.
But today, I'm under the weather and immobile, and I feel stuff that I used to feel. Aaah, there it is, that old me. I'm gonna let her in. The sadness is here now. It was permanent then. It's an old (wise?) friend.
Going back into a ball where I don't have to speak, don't have to appear, just be on my own. And see what comes out of it.
Amourxxx
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