I'm turning here because I feel weak, I always remember to. There is a lot of good in my life, specially my new man who is still nearly perfect and who knows, may turn out to stay that way.
What troubles me is a great fatigue, and great stress too. It's a tough time at work and I need to work my way out of a bad situation. I need to breath in and breath out, and let chips fall where they may. It's the first time that I understand this saying. I always thought it was about crisps and didn't get it. Hehe.
I would be depressed, or heading there, but I am holding on ok if I let myself rest in the midst of a mess. I'm in the process of switching meds and currently am taking two different ones together, pretty high doses, so that may explain some of the tiredness that I get at work, it's a bit heavy.
I'm also on the pill and not really noticing side effects. But for fitness and food, it went bad since the fall and I haven't picked it up yet. I feel fat and the scales says it too, but I am well loved and this is a great thing indeed. I have had too many drinking nights and days but I am cutting off on that. I'm behind on all health appointment except that my meds make me go to the doctor's regularly. Income taxe, dishwasher repair, both are now years in waiting, well one year for the dishwasher and it is so ridiculous that I will get it fixed asap. Fuck it makes me angry.
But good things, my beau, my love, my heart sweet thing. My different clothes and boots. My spending habits. A trip, in a month, with my sweetheart. My condo and my beau got me a lamp rail and is getting my coat fixed and I got his suit dry-cleaned. Isn't this all sweet? One day he cleaned all of my home, all of it, more than I know how too, and I new it was true love from there.
The future is bright, possibly, since it is always brighter a deux.
Amourx.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Pharmacopia
I am thinking that I have to revisit my depths. Spend some time alone, figuring my body and my senses, my envies and desires.
But first I must say, loudly and clearly, that I have found my true love, as far as I know, as far as it may go, with no doubt about this man and me for keeps. This was the third spoke of the wheel that I put together: my work, my home, my love. I have all three today, now, and I know that I am blessed. I must remember that this, too, shall pass. But, there are many ways of passing, or transitioning, or evolving, growing, changing, moving, loving and living. I am a happy person. And happiness begets happiness.
Back to my body and senses, then. I have some disfunction, as you may know. Currently I am nursing a cold. It's only taking me to sleep and away from work, as far as symptoms go. This may be a good thing. I am sensing the great barrier reef of stress not too far in the background (it has humongous destructive powers). This may be because I reduced my antidepressents - the timing coincides completely. It may be because I started the (contraceptive) pill, it can have similar effects, although if you read the list of side effects for the pill, anything and its opposite can happen.
I've reduced the antidepressant because they interfere with my sex life. I haven't noticed improvements, so I am investigating what can be done. I wouldn't lower my antidepressants again because the stress would kick-in and wreak havoc. I should meditate on why, why, do I accept all this stress. I could start acting like I did one day in high school, when I stopped caring about my performance and started having a life outside of school. This is a very new thought. I have never had this idea before, and I think that there is something there.
I will tell my doctor what the status is next week. He can change my doses and my type of meds. I have other answers for my sex life. Did some interesting reading on the Orgasmic Diet book - I will try it. I have started yoga and will pursue it of course. I need to do all this in baby steps. Baby steps. It is simply curious how my body is acting, and this is why I was thinking that I need to go in my body and senses for themselves, sola. What does all this expansion and retraction modulate, and how can it educate me?
I am patient with myself and so my lover will be too. Now resting every part of my body like it wants too, listening and not resisting.
Amourx.
But first I must say, loudly and clearly, that I have found my true love, as far as I know, as far as it may go, with no doubt about this man and me for keeps. This was the third spoke of the wheel that I put together: my work, my home, my love. I have all three today, now, and I know that I am blessed. I must remember that this, too, shall pass. But, there are many ways of passing, or transitioning, or evolving, growing, changing, moving, loving and living. I am a happy person. And happiness begets happiness.
Back to my body and senses, then. I have some disfunction, as you may know. Currently I am nursing a cold. It's only taking me to sleep and away from work, as far as symptoms go. This may be a good thing. I am sensing the great barrier reef of stress not too far in the background (it has humongous destructive powers). This may be because I reduced my antidepressents - the timing coincides completely. It may be because I started the (contraceptive) pill, it can have similar effects, although if you read the list of side effects for the pill, anything and its opposite can happen.
I've reduced the antidepressant because they interfere with my sex life. I haven't noticed improvements, so I am investigating what can be done. I wouldn't lower my antidepressants again because the stress would kick-in and wreak havoc. I should meditate on why, why, do I accept all this stress. I could start acting like I did one day in high school, when I stopped caring about my performance and started having a life outside of school. This is a very new thought. I have never had this idea before, and I think that there is something there.
I will tell my doctor what the status is next week. He can change my doses and my type of meds. I have other answers for my sex life. Did some interesting reading on the Orgasmic Diet book - I will try it. I have started yoga and will pursue it of course. I need to do all this in baby steps. Baby steps. It is simply curious how my body is acting, and this is why I was thinking that I need to go in my body and senses for themselves, sola. What does all this expansion and retraction modulate, and how can it educate me?
I am patient with myself and so my lover will be too. Now resting every part of my body like it wants too, listening and not resisting.
Amourx.
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