oh

I fucketh my evening by working at this hour. What was I to do? Now I have all this resource conflict bullshit to deal with. My project is no. one priority but everyone like scavengers are fighting - why is everyone taking it on me???????

Or I just assume. I just fucked up my mood big time. All this for an early beer and dinner offered by my beau. Left early, opened my laptop late, and bang : I am on fire in a bad way.

Mood: 3. Energy: high. Anger: high. Fear: high. Dissatisfaction: high.

I need to think i have a job well done behind me to be in a good mood. All I retain is the bad bad bad stuff. All my interpretations are the worst. Tell me what was good today?

I felt ok at 5 - now i know that i will have a resource fuck-up all day tomorrow, all day again like last week. Fuck-it.

What was good today? The beer. The sun. The walk I took at one o'clock. The way I managed the disruptive requests for good. I did that today :-). The way i had set up my week last night so that it started well.

It started well. It probably is still going well. My mind is simply spinning on it's own. Even when I was making love, the spinning didn't quite stop completely. Ever.

Oh, and the doc didn't show up at the clinic this morning. No news on that front. I have to return Thursday.

Inspire-Expire. Emportements... Il manque d'espace, il manque de paix, dans ma tête.

Amourxxx