Numbers

I'm feeling a 4 on a scale of one to ten, one of my best moods lately.

I worked hard and late and I went to the gym after. It was an easy and short new workout, so I think that i will introduce cardio to the routine.

I have a lot of frustrations at work but today I feel like I did my best, and my best is pretty good. Not perfect, but good enough. I was able to advance somethings where I was blocked before.

I just had a glass of red wine :-). I wonder what's the effect of just one glass. I know that drinking wrecks my mood eventually. But possibly just the one glass is ok? It simply makes life a tad more beautiful.

I have all the numbers to call to get the therapy/doctor I need. I'm not sure when I will have time to make those calls. It's impossible during work hours unless I specifically take the time off. Maybe I should.

Overall I'm still very much closed up on myself and suffering from it. I'm also worried and hurting because of it. I thought that i have been depressed for the last couple weeks only. But when I look back it's hard to remember the good times. The good times where years ago, it seems.

I'm terribly jumpy around people, jumpy on the inside.

Hey its summertime, right? I'll have to get in the mood. Get in the mood you, all right? (note to self).

Journaling is therapeutic for me so I'll try not to worry about my near-to-none existing readership too much. I'll just let things be. But I always come here with the intension to measure some things. I'm trying to paint the picture of my world more objectively, hoping that this will a) help me find some patterns that affect my mood b) make me see that objectively, nothing is as bad as i think it is.

I'm seeking some behavioral therapy to help me zip the negative thoughts that I have. I hear it's akin to reprogramming your brain. Scary a little, but I'll try it absolutely.

I think that I had a positive day at work even if highly, highly stressful. Trained, that's good. Plus the red wine. I'm still followed by a trail of dark clouds (i know this because everyday, always, I am shy to appear and feel that I look bad and that it's out of my control, but still worry about it, lots of energy waisted there).

I'd like to speak about beautiful stuff but it's pretty empty and dusty inside. And it's time for bed. So lets pray for more warmth and light in there.

Amourxxx