Sorrow

I had a huge fight with beau. He exploded in anger suddenly, critiquing my family of all things, then told me he didn’t want to live with me and have babies because he’s scared that i was psycho. In between that I threw a glass at him that crashed on the floor. Told him to leave. He was going to leave but then he calmed down and apologized about everything and went back over everything he had said. Even if we were making up instants after that scary fight, I wanted him to leave for the night but he didn’t. Today I told him I needed space.

Needless to say i feel guttered. This vacation was unplanned and i didn’t have expectations. I wanted to take him to Charlevoix, but even without the fight, the weather is not cooperating. We painted, I didn’t expect to do that. If it wasn’t for him I don’t think I would have painted myself. Turns out I like to do it though, it’s soothing.

I was supposed to go to La Ronde with my nephews (that family he used to critique me with insane accusations). It didn’t work out but it seems like it’s a rainy day anyway. I watched tv. I thought it would be nice if I started my own business. I took a hairdresser appointement. I have a rented a car for a week, I hope that I use it.

I thought I would start to paint the next room but I am suddenly very tired and sad. He just called. Should I make something meaningful of my day, my week off taken in ultimate emergency before I blow up and quit my job. Am I going to return more depressed.

I am in a sorrow.

Amourx.