As I am

It’s a rough Monday morning following an odd week-end. Work interfered from when I rose up on Saturday, and I saw things in my email yesterday that interfered with my sleeping this night. So this morning I am dizzy and my head is pounding. I meant to cook-up breakfast and lunch but I am so not hungry that I am drinking a light coffee and thought to write instead.

I did good things and missed some. I kept dishes cleaned, did some laundry and hand-washed my hand-knit in progress blanket. I missed the gym on both days, but I enjoyed a lovely bike ride with beau. We went to the Pointe again and I made a picnic and he brought rosé. The air was sweet and warm, it was a beautiful day.

I missed my sister’s suggestion to do something with her, and I missed my yearly condo meeting. You must know how cheap I feel about this. But I applied to an interesting position on Sunday. It took a few intense hours to write up my letter to the employer. I hope I get a call, even if I am not sure that the conditions would be suitable. The job itself is really interesting for me. I saw other potential jobs but they were a bit off-track for me so I didn’t apply. Still this means there are opportunities and I am knocking, and overall this is opening a positive spiral I think.

I forgot to mention that I bought a huge amount of groceries. Well, an expensive amount is more accurate. Because I skipped the gym I said I would watch my diet and I am doing that. It gives me a sense of control. But if you had watched my face this week-end you would see a worried girl and a stressed girl, like an animal that’s been poked by lab rats too often. Saturday in particular all good intentions were unattainable, and the day was oddly spent in a peculiar state of resting and worrying.

I still love beau and am happy with the place I am in this world. I’m facing challenges and there is no need to panic. Failure is acceptable. The main thing is to keep respecting and taking care of myself, try to let the chaos flow through and stay upright as I was.

Amourx.