Hi there -- it has been rocky, and I am not staying here for long. Yesterday night I lied down in the evening and slept through to this morning. I have more to do and will go to work next, this is Saturday.
Sometime this week I got help about resources. People finally getting that it can’t keep functioning like this with me covering all the bases. Since then I am almost crying constantly within. I had a hard shell built around me. It got harder every time I faced embarrassment and my boss told me to walk on eggshells around it instead of defending me, and I started to look for other jobs.
When the started asking me again and again what the issues are, it softened me up. I’m feeling fragile, hurt. I guess I am feeling emotions. I guess this is good. Meanwhile we had to deploy heavy measures, I did it. Makes me feel alone that I have to go and do that on top of everything else I do, I hoped they would help concretely.
I’m not making a baby. This is the week that I should be doing it. I’m 39.5 years old. I am miserable about this.
I am paranoid or maybe it’s true that people are avoiding me and judging me because they don’t want to be tied to my hell. They invent snob reasons to disassociate themselves from my issues, they avoid helping. They comment externally.
I am extremely enraged at them, at this. Sometimes i feel like crying, but mostly it’s the meanness of people that I see thru their avoidance. My allegiance is gone.
But it’s not gone for Edith, so I must put in a few hours now.
Then I will have a good day.
Amourx.
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