Steps

This week it's different again. I had pretty bad insomnia so Monday and Tuesday were a blur, but slept good last night. I may be grieving and scared about school - starting next week at night and I didn't tell anyone at work.

So this week my mood flavour is lonely and separated and full of secrets. I need to extravert. I'm also naturally weary of uni starting and how will I manage that energy-wise? And is it really the right thing to do? I see it's a baby step and I'm not risking much. But I need to talk outside of my smallest circle that is my boyfriend and my family. I have been sheltering in here all summer. It's ok.

I remember that all answers are inside. But how does that help me with outside people? Just a thought. I'm a little bit outside myself at work, reserved, eyes and words unsure, hesitant, when I engage. 

I've been bleeding a lot, the embryo that didn't stay. Must come with a side of depression that. I forgot to tell my mom, that it didn't work this time. I think that is tinting my mood the most. At night I've been resting, watching tv, had a drink too much once. Beau's been taking care of me and we had lovely evenings filled with nothings.

Someone wants to worry about everything else that needs doing, but I can't bother right now. Though, I want to take care of my health, and be in peace, and find solace with people around me. There is a work SUP class tomorrow, I will try that. Today there is a school faculty welcome meeting,  so long days for me.

Gratefulness meditations really helped, and I am grateful, so grateful, for my home, my love, my family, my beautiful life and the sun that shines over the world.

Amourx.