I think that it is too early to be up and to post. I still have problems with sleep amongst other things, so the doc gave me back my prescription pill. It's this or psychotherapy + lots of exercise. This pill-less solution is what I am aiming for, but not realistic given what's going on in me life. Also, when you reach any point of the depression cycle, you are a lot more vulnerable to fall in an even lower point. The difficulty to get out of it increases dramatically, exponentially, so its best to stay clear of these lower zones by booting yourself out anyway you can.
I have several ways. The hardest is to act on external causes. If you are unhappy at work or in love, if you lack social support, means, health, security, those are things that you can influence by your actions, but the outcome is a bit of a lottery. You can give it your best shot, but you can't predict the outcome.
But, acting on it will enhance your mood. The process can be hard and discouraging at times, but it can also be easy, enjoyable and provide the boost that you need quickly. It can seem daunting but there are very minute steps that you can do. Allowing yourself to rest is one thing. Picking up the phone is another. Talking about your issues with friends, sending resumes, signing-up for a class, finding a therapist for support, taking care of your health and things that you can control are examples of small things that you can do. I find that most of them involve reaching out a little bit. Reaching out goes against the grain of a depressed person (at least it does for me, I usually want to curl up in a ball and be left alone), so I find it's what I need to coax myself to do anyway. And when I do it, it's incredible how easy and fruitful it can be.
So I have done that a bit recently, and today may be bearer of a fruit. Smells like... a young pear. I am not sure if I can bite in it yet, so I will let you know when I can, and what it tastes like. I can tell you that I have lost a ton of weight off my shoulders just by going through the hoops to get here. Sadly the scale in my bathroom is not concurring. I still have the extra 15 pounds to carry until I figure out how to deal with it.
Other things I do is try to go outside and be active physically. Sunshine will raise your mood, just exposure to outside will raise your mood. Seeing great sights like mountain tops or lakes will do that too. Getting closer to nature is resourceful. Couple that with a bit of activity like walking, biking, running, canoeing, swimming and you have a very potent cocktail that will restore you. If these activities seem too tiring, how about lying down beach side with the occasional dip in the water. How about just walking to where you will sit for a picnic or to catch the sunset. I find that it helps to remove the ceiling off my head and to see far and wide, to get that daylight in my eyes and breath the air. If you live in suburbia, walking to the mall or around the block will work too i'm sure, but try to go where you are inspired by the sights, sounds, smells... I find that I need to see natural beauty or city eclecticism or else I get bored.
I am still not able to get at the extra weight thing, but it is always in my head. In the past 3 years I went from my normal, long-thin-with-curves figure to a somewhat chubby tall lady (I don't think that I will ever be round because I have a tall and used-to-be lean figure, but my face, arms, breasts, belly and thigh are all pretty chunky morsels of flesh now). Hildegaard comes to mind. I don't know what her figure was like, but I imagine a tall strong viking lady. Give me two long brades and a helmet and I will fit the picture. Expect for the strong part.
My self image may be skewed, I don't know. But anyway, for now I try to move a lot when I can. That's pretty much all that I am able to manage. The desire for a more structured and efficient fitness program is here but the time and energy aren't. However, I am not letting go. I'm a warier. I am not pushing further on this front right now, but it's not very far behind and my gear is ready. I am being strategic -- when you start a diet or fitness program, it will give you a lot but also take out some at first (it takes time and energy and is an adaptation for your body). If you already have a lot going on, fitness may not be the first thing to attend to. Of course that is very relative. It can be the very first thing to do for you and it is one thing that you have complete control on and that will give you a capital boost. I find that physical activity and good food lift my moods instantly.
There are other things that you can do that will give you a bit of respite. I am speaking of hobbies and habits - they take your mind away from the usual dark thoughts (your thoughts are tinted if you are depressed) and focus on the thing that you do for fun or that you have fun doing. They don't give you any kind of pressure like deadlines (it's not work), they are enjoyable. Where ever you see enjoyment, seek it more.
While I was writing this post, someone rang at my door. He had my wallet with its content intact. It spent the night on the parking lot in the rain. He was laughing and happy to relieve a stranger from the loss of a wallet. This is enjoyable indeed! I never even new that I had lost it. This has happened to me twice, recently, with the same wallet. It may be the boomerang wallet. Why I keep losing it has to do with the state of my head. I fear now that I lost the glasses that where already the second identical pair that I got because I lost the first one. Sadness.
Onwards.
Amourx.
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