I will not do a good job at work this week. This sets it up. I had a fight with copain yesterday that ended in tears, and maybe the end is near. Things tend to happen all together, I notice. It's very hard for me to contemplate failure, to see it coming, and to drive through it. I am particularly well geared to deliver the impossible and to make my clients happy and trusting at the same time. You give me a task, and I will take care of it through thick and thin and to the grave if I must. There is something in me that doesn't want to let people down - I really don't.
Love is different. I could say in a rather dark statement that I don't believe that I can have the partner and the life that I want, that I don't believe in it, so I don't expect it. Maybe what I have now is faulty -- well I know that it is. I say that it boils down to what I can tolerate in the long term, or of meeting the proverbial bottom of the barrel. It's grim. So maybe I need a break from it all.
Good things? My blue shirt-dress, coffee, rain pouring all night, and a beautiful big family of gentile souls.
Amourx.
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