La vie passe en rafales. I'm learning that my French grammar is excécrable. Well, there is a lot of learning to do, often by heart, of the details - the very minute details. Not my strong suite and I have spent most of my life being flippant about this. How cynical a youth I was. How's that for a phrase.
Tired me today. Stressed as usual. My fear is now... a bit of the same. Not finding my ground at work, worried about getting my head cut off. I'm having the turtle reflex, keeping locked in, and nothing will get me out of there - I still can't figure out how to talk to my boss. But I just thought of her as my little sister - that may be it. Also need to ask someone else about some feedback, for god's sake. I know my job is all about maintaing the channels of communication, but the turtle reflex is too strong.
At the same time, I have had the great gift of being referenced for a job opening somewhere else. I have an interview this week! Well... that's something quite significant and big. My old colleagues who reached out say they love this place because it's balanced and everything. And with the summer I have had, it's not a bad idea.
This could stress me more but I'm more worried about energy, how to take the time off for the interviews, etc. Juggling school and this and that. What to wear.
Inside oh I don't know. I get the channels of guilt and fear going through me at times, and I try to breath through them and figure them out. They are elusive when I do that. It's been hard to handle the quiet times, the little nothings. I spend my free time with beau doing bike rides or watching movies.
Very simple and unglamorous, and in this simplicity I do panic about what's next, what should I be doing, why am I not in euphoric bliss somewhere beautiful... or why am I not working at something I should to advance my state of being in this world. Well maybe that's what I'm doing, just resting.
Amourx.
No comments:
Post a Comment