Calm Terribly

Anxiety has been rising this week and I have been feeling not so hot about myself. There is change at work - I am losing a team member who is going to a good place, and we are hiring two or even three new people. Should be good news but I am surely reacting to uncertainties. The bigger emotion though comes from being pushed away from teams and indeed, unwillingly, from my own boss. I know that it is not personal, but it still matters. I have addressed it and am satisfied that I did what I should have done, and actions are taken in the right direction. But it can explain why I feel lowly about myself.

On the better front I have exercised ahead of time wednesday because I knew I wouldn't have time or inclination yesterday since it was my mother's birthday and we went out to dinner. I ate a whopping 1400 calories in this meal, and I don't think that I counted everything! But fun was had and that is what counts of course :-). My mom looked beautiful in a modern silky deep lilac shirt and cropped hair. And my whole family including the kiddies where colour coordinated. Except for the 2 teenagers but that is fitting.

From the pile of self-help books that I bought I am currently reading The Highly Sensitive Person (that's me), Smart Women Finish Rich and Nourir son cerveau (Feeding our brain). I created a budget in the spark budget website, and intend to get a hold of my financial life as well as my fitness.

I still crave the intense calm that I have when I spend entire days alone without speaking to anyone. I need calm terribly.

Tomorrow I intend to go to the NDG art/food festival. Saturday I have a pool-side get together with good girlfriends in suburbia. As long as I get calm, I think that I will indeed find beautiful life.

Amourx.