Silent Mission

I held my momentum yesterday, and I must of done about 2 hours of home cleaning, if you count fetching the groceries as home cleaning. It's not my entire house, but it's a start. My white Ikea couch has been vacuumed. This is a noticeable, Aaaah, improvement.

I told you, I get tired very quickly these days, that's why I let myself stop. I pursued knitting my orgasmic wool sweater. In about 7 rows I will be finished the back panel, and I'll be able to model it in front of the mirror, to see what it's like on me. Exciting.

Today I will do more cleaning, because it is now my silent mission that I can do without thinking, like knitting. Shouldn't I be Planning a trip? Replace that by: Writing?, Setting up my new business?, Exercising?, Working on my relationships?, Deciding what to do for new year? Note that all these actions are projects in themselves that need planning, implementation and execution. I must do none of the above, for cleaning is the basis of all good things. Everything starts with a clean slate, therefore I must clean -- no question about it.

I quite like the no thinking approach. At some point I'll get a cleaner, but that's for later, when I will be able to think.

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A group of dark knights galloping, charging towards me with their flagpole lifted, ready to raid... me. That's next week with a little bit of exaggeration. Stress, you know. I'm reading the Pillars of Earth book - it's a beautiful, transformative read. After this series, the writer would not be able to write anymore because everything else would be boring. He so masters the era, the characters, the rhythm. I am sucked in and will not come out the same. It makes me think...

Sure we have our challenges, but we are not periodically raided by civil war earls and knights, our town burned, the women raped, the babies thrown in the air, men, women and kids killed at random. Our lives don't really depend on our ability to earn a living, we can't starve to death, we don't have to provide for ourselves in the forest, we don't have to build our own house, we don't have to let our babies die because we can't provide for them, we don't have to bathe only twice a year, we don't have to wash our own clothes in the river... And chances are, if we are born in a certain class, we will stay in it without any effort.

Sooo what do I have to complain about? My life is easy and poses no challenge by comparison. Go figure. A couple theories: some traumas of childhood have plagued me physiologically, hence the persisting depressions, isolations, etc. I think that if I didn't work hard at fixing this, and if I didn't know that I had to fix it, then I would have a very different life today. And I have no idea if it would be better or worse.

But, these kids in medieval times dealt with multiple traumas early on. Seeing your mom beheaded, for example, or your neighbors burn to death, or having both your parents killed in front of you. These kids didn't spend their time trying to understand their psychological problems. I think that they just moved on, trying to survive.

That's it - we don't need to try to survive. We live, and are rarely near death, and dying for lack of food, shelter or water is even rarer. So we have time to reflect. Is reflection the cause of depression? Maybe, but I don't think that it can be helped.

You see why I like the no thinking rule ;)

Amourx.