And a partridge

I think I owe readers an account of what life on meds is doing for me. There are some obvious changes in my perception and behavior. Some good, some dubious.

I feel more grounded. I am not longer 'skinless', with nerves being hit for any imagined purposes. I could not drive before because I was too scared, having what felt like multiple near death experiences even in the passenger seat. Now, I actually like driving.

I feel a subtle pleasant 'buzz'. Like some drug educed mellowness (it is this). Particularly great in mornings and when I have a cup of coffee. Nice and mellow.

I speak out more. Without really knowing, i have started to communicate a little bit more normally. To give you an idea of how introverted I am, sometimes I think that I have some kind of autism. So, I started to 'appear' just a little bit more. It helps exponentially, for obvious reasons. Humans need to communicate with one another, it seems.
I am getting a hold of my life's elusive steering wheel, the rest of me still hanging on, dragged forward. It's not bad, i'm actually getting somewhere. It's always good.

My senses have dulled down. I crave bad food (super sour candy, ice cream, white bread with piles of cheese) and eat a lot of it. I think that my 'reward' hormone has kicked in. When I eat, it feels good. I have gained at least 10 pounds too. I used to crave fruits, lean meats and veggies. Now I eat a quart of yogurt every day. It's as if I was pregnant.

I sleep! That should of come first. That's the first effect I got from the meds, the ability to sleep through 8 hole hours. Wow! Just this is BIG.

My sex drive visited the sub zero regions. I didn't mind it but it felt awkward. I wouldn't want to be permanently this way - getting fat and not having sex. The drive is coming back, probably because I am less drained? Another side effect is that my usual hot spot is dulled down too. Lets just say that I need to work harder to go beyond a never-ending plateau. I didn't care when my drive was at zero, and I don't mind it now. I have always been one for variety, and change is good, n'est-ce pas?

Ok now before I go soak in my bath, I have to tell you about THE SHOPPING!

One top of the line professional blow drier
One 3 panel makeup mirror
One Nintendo DS
Six Nintendo DS games
One pair of 3 inch high heeled ankle boots
One game boy advance game
One fancy pedometer
One pulse indicator calorie counter stop-watch watch
One gazillion magazines
Slightly less books
A day at the Eastman spa
A pricy duvet cover
A meditation book, cards & cd kit
A set of dishes for 4

Buying these things is giving me a very pleasant buzz indeed. Is it out of character? Well... lets just say that I have not been taken very good care of myself, and needed a few things. Is it the meds? Honestly, I don't think so. This is me in pure glee - and I am restraining myself from writing just how much I LOVE all this stuff at the end of every line.

Sure, shopping is not all.

Now excuse me, I have some blow drying to do.

Amourx.