Himalayas

Oh boy.
A few minutes ago after my night time walk in pitch dark wet streets
I cried in a meeting. And could not stop.
Now and again my audience asked
Why are you feeling this way, why?
It shouldn't be this way, you know.
Not saving lives and all that.

I know, I said. But I am this way, emotional.
But why, the repeated,
As I continued to conduct the meeting
Making an abstraction of myself.
It shouldn't be this way, you know.

That question, why, can open a giant crack
I try to contain it with all my might
losing face? i toss it back like the rest
and continue to fight a battle that doesn't matter
I make an abstraction of myself.

the fatherly opponent hugged me
I am not good with conflict
But above all I don't want to hurt others in there deepest
And I hope and pray that I didn't touch it
didn't open a giant crack
This is what gets at me, the doubt that I can hurt
In the same way that I have been
so emotional

So, all is not good
But I knew this
I've got meds, I've got specialists
Nothing is a walk in the park
Does it hurt that 2 more, 3 more people know
not really

On the other side of this day
I woke up at dawn (its easy in November)
At one point, I was even too happy for work
The thought of shorter work days
The week off and spa gift that I earned
That was enough to make me feel happy again
It had been a while, but you know what
Its still there and I'm still happy.

But need to take care
I feel good in the mornings
I dream of what's to come
the condo, and all else
Amourx.