the outcome of this part of my life will make itself. I'm very happy to enjoy this sunny day without work in the agenda. I am going through the motion and the motion makes me nauseous, catapulting me to the next base station. In a way i can say that this was almost planned. When I said yes, I knew that I was testing my limit. I'm still here though and i will show up for work like normal people do, tomorrow.
I'm glad that the finger was pointed on others than me. I'm glad that others are noting, that it's not just in my head. I have doubted myself far too long. But, I am happy. Cause I know the prison that i place myself in can cease to exist with one blink. Blink. Blink. Blink! :-)
The sun shines on me and warms me, and so does the duck down comforter that boyfriend gave me, which I dressed up in the most beautifully printed, elegant duvet cover in subtle hues and sheens. The fabric recals the texture of raw silk, but with some reflective thread woven into it. This present worked out really fine.
I drew all the rooms of my future home and imagined the colors and the fabrics. Then I drew a table setting and placed a bunch of people in it, including a baby and a dog. Then I drew myself, a tall man, a baby, more people, a dog, music, a guitar and drums, confetti. It wasn't a wedding until now. It was happiness. I keep it in my backpack.
Love always,
Tara
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