Resourcefulness

Underneath this happiness there is a sad one deep down, stressed by all the changes. I need to be extra good to myself and steer clear of the abuses. I feel tremendously guilty for not being on time on things and about my fitness. Something isn’t right and so I have to keep a focus on the good things.

Good things today:
Very delicious soup made of four ingredients: canned beans, potato, broth and onion. I love coming up with delicious from nothing.

As a side note, maybe my focus should be resourcefulness in all things. Making a lot from a little.

Other good things:
Talk with my colleagues at lunch, even if I admit feeling off, tired
Not drinking after work
Only drinking two cups of coffee all day
Cleaning my whole entire desk surface!!! Piles of papers in the dustbin! Loving this.
Busy bees at work making things run well
The quiet tonight
Beau’s calling and the fact that he cleaned my place a bit yesterday!

Things that are a bit massive:
Baby talk.

Amourx.

Safety

Again a lot of action in life, more than I can keep track of. When I get a lot of action, I need a lot of sleep. This week I am slowly becoming less busy at work, and that makes me worry. It’s my nature, that when I am not submerged, I worry about my role. Being busy pulls me in. I should be brave enough to take it. Take the slowness and just be normal.

At home, well, I had lost track of most good habits. I write here because I want them back. There has been a lovely trip to distract me. A lovely relationship to keep on surprising me. Drinking and eating much to much. Cleaning done for appearances and then that.

I don’t want to beat myself up. It’s too easy to do that. I want to ground me. Relax. Ride my bike while I can’t walk. Do one little habit at a time. Eat lovely meals.

The fact is that it’s hard to be taken by a wave at work, or what feels like it, then to adjust back when it gets normal. I have a lot of catching up to do. I feel guilty about bills and taxes. But I have been to the dentist, the generalist, and tomorrow to get my breast exam!

I think that the best habit would be to write the good things. Here goes:

-eating, walking and cuddling with beau for lunch

-the beautiful summer days

-biking for HOURS in the week-end

-taking the time off with no plans in the week-end

-be willing to listen and calm down tonight

-the quiet

-the busy bees

-the movie last night -- the iron lady

-my girlfriends life, on Facebook

-love and all that

-a safe, comfortable home

-overal health

-Happiness -- who would have thought!

I will try to have respite in my day life, slowly and quietly, keep a place for safety alone. It might be here.

Amourxxx.

Snap

Should I write everything now?

I’m in love

I work hard

I get tired

My home is a mess

I’m late with everything

I’m going on a trip

I wish I was a full time knitter

I have dreams bigger than I dare say.

I’m on the edge of happy and weary. A place I know now.

Amourx.

On Will

Aujourd’hui je termine la petite semaine no.1, et normalement je voudrais aller au gym pour en tirer tous les avantages notoires que je n’arrête pas de constater.

Mais j’ai un mal de tête et de la surchauffe de boulot dans le corps, et quand je me sens comme ça, ma volonté baisse, et je me suis accordée de ne pas y aller.

J’ai un peu de boulot de week-end à faire - tout ça me dérange mais je ne ferai pas de corrélation entre ce soir et le bout de boulot de week-end. J’ai pas mal de latitude côté boulot et j’ai de belles vacances à venir, et mon petit bout de chemin à faire reluire.

Non pour l’exercice, je me donne un break. Repos, repos, et ensuite on continu. Je vais quand même faire les exercice de physio, et c’est tout.

Trois événements fort sympathique et amoureux ce week-end. Souper d’amis, souper chez ma soeur à la quasi campagne avec toute la famille demain, et lunch de Pâques avec ses parents. Je me sens comblée et heureuse.

Amourx.

Small weeks

I am savouring a post-exercise moment now and need to record it. I was feeling worried and tense about changes and overload and pretty much anything that comes my way. I forget than I need to do some preserving of my sanity and come back in me.

I had to leave early and felt weary. But I went at the physio, a good thing, and then I worked out at the gym. All this helped me to unplug so to speak. It’s not super strong but I have this idea, this concept, of working for the week-end. Do what I do and let chips fall where they may.

I compensate too much.

Beau called and that made my day better. Tonight it’s all about the rest of my life, be it rest, be it other stuff.

It’s a small week.

Amourx.

A bit later and I entered all my measurements in Spark. It’s odd. I am 3 pounds lighter but I think this is because I used to weigh myself with wet hair the last few times.

My chest and waist are slightly thinner, say half an inch. So far this is pointing to small and happy hurray moment.

But the plot thickens. My neck, arms, thighs and calves are all bigger. I can’t attribute this to muscles (I can’t see past my flab to the muscles).

Maybe it’s sloppy self measuring, but I like to have an explanation and a positive outlook. I’ll say that I gained in muscles on my limbs and lost weight around the waist and chest. That would be a very positive way to spin it, don’t you think?

And I quite like the smaller numbers, slowly slowly.

Reading back I see a direct correlation between a workout day and wise thoughts about letting go and things that matter. I do get relaxed through exercise and it relieves my mind of it’s anxieties. This tells me I need to keep a good rhythm.

Ramourx.

Chopped Shallots

As you may have picked up if you come by here every now and then, it’s pretty hard for me to focus on one topic for this blog. It’s my outlet, and I notably out of focus, but there may be hope.

I hereby declare that in some time, like maybe in years time, I will get back to a more balanced life and therefore a balanced blog perhaps.

Back to the now topic - health, food. I went back into logging my food on Spark. I have also looked at SOS Cuisine which is a fab website for figuring out what to eat next. And upon reading on other topics related to antidepressants and sex, two things in which I take part very regularly, I decided to try a lower carb diet. I’m not too bothered with the loss of starchy food so far.

What I am very excited about is how decadently good my supper was. Sole with generous amount of sun dried tomato pesto and cheese, and chopped shallots. Worth a post about it.

With the actual sleeping and resting that I have done at the end of the week-end, and the workout yesterday, and the good eating, I am in a much better shape to tackle work craziness. In truth I have been at 50% for many weeks, always so tired. Now I finally feel better. Lets see how that goes on.

Amourx.

Enjoying the Deficit

Just a quick note of motivation, to say that I worked out really well today after work, and I ate super well too. It’s surprising the amount of nutrients in white beans. With tuna and spinach, even better. And now I rest, confident about my calorie deficit of the day, and happy.

I would like to add that I feel just heavenly now, in my body and even, believe it or not, in my mind. This is important to note, when it happens :)