I am calming down. Today I was easily aroused at work and I voiced my concerns. They were all heard and acted upon so I should look back and feel good. Tap myself on the back. Yay.
I'm expecting a down because there is usually one after I have a night with too much excitement, and I refer to many things here. The people, the friends, the packed bars, the drinks... All these things make me hyper aroused, drinking helps, then I need a few days to bring me back down.
It wasn't an outlaw night per say because it was a saturday. But my evenings are off and my nights too. I need to shelter and rest peacefully with little to do. Like writing about this in a blog, listening to the rain tapping on my window, a sound which I adore.
Good things coming forth:
Meeting a new friend for the trip in... 3 weeks!
Taking my oldest friend to the food fair on Saturday
My workplace and my workmates every day
Dinner with other long lost friends on Friday
Poker night on Thursday
It's uncanny how many friends popup around me since I left my ex. I didn't think that I could count on so many. My only wish, if I may, is that I would have more guy friends. I would like to learn a little more about their species. Poker night will be with boys, work boys, so goods candidates for friendships perhaps.
Life is like a box of chocolate, you know?
Luvx.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Damn a-living
Well, a man found me and I finally got kissed, very well kissed, finally. The sad thing is Man, that he's not calling back and it's not me, it's him. He's married I'd say. The sooner I forget the better. But Man, that felt really sweet and now I'm really itching for it. Damn is the word indeed.
I used to feel very differently about these things. I won't delve into it but it's a lot lighter than it used to be. I once was told to stop making things so scorchingly personal, hehe. So I'm not but Man, could you please show up so that I can skip all those things and move onto you? I'm not a teenager anymore you know.
There is still a lot happening at work but I am prepared, or zen, or still into last week-end. But I have to tell you something that is more meaningful than all that. I went on a picnic at my sister's who lives in a country with acres of land. It was a superb day with family and food and kids and dogs, 4 of those. And when I gave her my hand knit hot-water-bottle-cosy (don't laugh!, read what follows), she beamed. I was sewing up on location as it happens, and when she saw it she fell quite literally in love with it. Man, I would knit one for you too if you would like.
I didn't have the time to take a picture. It's one of those gifts. Perfect.
I guess that I'm not shy to say Perfect sometimes.
For tonight I have a wish, which is to calm my mind and body down. Bath, book, dishes. Tomorrow there will be yoga and perhaps I should cycle. Perhaps I will plan my meals. Sending you all a great shout out of love cause we are a-living.
Amourx.
I used to feel very differently about these things. I won't delve into it but it's a lot lighter than it used to be. I once was told to stop making things so scorchingly personal, hehe. So I'm not but Man, could you please show up so that I can skip all those things and move onto you? I'm not a teenager anymore you know.
There is still a lot happening at work but I am prepared, or zen, or still into last week-end. But I have to tell you something that is more meaningful than all that. I went on a picnic at my sister's who lives in a country with acres of land. It was a superb day with family and food and kids and dogs, 4 of those. And when I gave her my hand knit hot-water-bottle-cosy (don't laugh!, read what follows), she beamed. I was sewing up on location as it happens, and when she saw it she fell quite literally in love with it. Man, I would knit one for you too if you would like.
I didn't have the time to take a picture. It's one of those gifts. Perfect.
I guess that I'm not shy to say Perfect sometimes.
For tonight I have a wish, which is to calm my mind and body down. Bath, book, dishes. Tomorrow there will be yoga and perhaps I should cycle. Perhaps I will plan my meals. Sending you all a great shout out of love cause we are a-living.
Amourx.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Hash up
I am on the lovely terrasse café that I always go to on a lovely sunny Saturday morning. Bless this day Man.
Many things to record today. Weight is down 2 pounds and fat % is up 1 or 2 %. This week I ate less, drank no water to speak of and didn't exercise -- sprained foot you see. It all makes very logical sense and I'm feeling in tune. Perky mood is brought to you today by striped tank top and new deep blue jeans. Oh and jade bangle bracelet noticed by all the girls and no Man. Yeah I'm a tall strong and lank girl and catch me if you can.
There is also this way of being with people but without people in the café. Out and about, me at my best, with the human proximity that I resist to take in sometimes. A low risk, high returns situation. And Led Zeppelin on the radio oh babe I need to download some of this and listen to it all day into the night.
Measurements are all a bit down from last week. Tee hee.
This week I've been thrown in a few social situations and they where meaningful (did I tell you that this is what I strive for in general, that moments get meaningful?). Style night at a restaurant and I made the assembly laugh with my spur of the moment presentation of myself. This is a very good 'check' for me.
Then a whole day of travelling to Quebec city on a pitch with two senior vps. Imagine a three hour car ride in the wee hours of the morning. A two hour presentation in which I spoke. One quick presentation of who I am and didn't bank on what I needed to say. One pretty good moment of presentation of the strategy for an interactive program. This is a good 'check' for me. A double check. There where several very important people in that room. And one fairly bad moment when I interrupted and then stumbled completely, went blank, misspoke. This got noticed by everyone, most specially my bosses I know, but no one held it against me at all. I was a secondary support in this pitch.
Then a two hour lunch, then three more hours of a drive back. Not one single moment alone. Talk about high exposure. I was very happy to be part of the day, but it's safe to say that it was hard on my nerves at the end of the day. And I ressass the bad and the ugly soo much. I'm still very much a weary, frightened girl somewhere inside. It takes time.
Onwards. Tonight a night of dancing wee-hee! This is another kind of exposure but one I can handle well. Tomorrow a birthday for which I need to knit a sock in record time. I will do a bike ride for low-impact exercise and train once this week-end. I will do food and home.
Man, if you want to pop up this week-end I will try to be on the look out.
Amourx.
Many things to record today. Weight is down 2 pounds and fat % is up 1 or 2 %. This week I ate less, drank no water to speak of and didn't exercise -- sprained foot you see. It all makes very logical sense and I'm feeling in tune. Perky mood is brought to you today by striped tank top and new deep blue jeans. Oh and jade bangle bracelet noticed by all the girls and no Man. Yeah I'm a tall strong and lank girl and catch me if you can.
There is also this way of being with people but without people in the café. Out and about, me at my best, with the human proximity that I resist to take in sometimes. A low risk, high returns situation. And Led Zeppelin on the radio oh babe I need to download some of this and listen to it all day into the night.
Measurements are all a bit down from last week. Tee hee.
This week I've been thrown in a few social situations and they where meaningful (did I tell you that this is what I strive for in general, that moments get meaningful?). Style night at a restaurant and I made the assembly laugh with my spur of the moment presentation of myself. This is a very good 'check' for me.
Then a whole day of travelling to Quebec city on a pitch with two senior vps. Imagine a three hour car ride in the wee hours of the morning. A two hour presentation in which I spoke. One quick presentation of who I am and didn't bank on what I needed to say. One pretty good moment of presentation of the strategy for an interactive program. This is a good 'check' for me. A double check. There where several very important people in that room. And one fairly bad moment when I interrupted and then stumbled completely, went blank, misspoke. This got noticed by everyone, most specially my bosses I know, but no one held it against me at all. I was a secondary support in this pitch.
Then a two hour lunch, then three more hours of a drive back. Not one single moment alone. Talk about high exposure. I was very happy to be part of the day, but it's safe to say that it was hard on my nerves at the end of the day. And I ressass the bad and the ugly soo much. I'm still very much a weary, frightened girl somewhere inside. It takes time.
Onwards. Tonight a night of dancing wee-hee! This is another kind of exposure but one I can handle well. Tomorrow a birthday for which I need to knit a sock in record time. I will do a bike ride for low-impact exercise and train once this week-end. I will do food and home.
Man, if you want to pop up this week-end I will try to be on the look out.
Amourx.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Withstanding Chaos
What I find very satisfying in my new eating habits, that is to eat food that I cook and track and nutritionally balance myself, is when every parcel of food down to the last grain of rice, or the last branches of a way-too-humoungous broccoli stalk, all of the home made chicken stew or refried potatoes get eaten. I especially love how they incorporate in many different, newly imagined, spur of the moment recipes.
I guess that I am not shy to say that I am a fairly good, intuitive and imaginative cook. My favourite kitchen moments tend to be when I make something ingenious or unexpected, or just specially delicious, out of the 5 ingredients that happen to be in the fridge. If I manage to do that and process the food without waist, then I am a very content girl. Quite happy, quite satisfied indeed.
I don't stock up a lot of food, it helps to keep things fresh and interesting to fit my mood. Todays menu turned out to be chicken breast stuffed with procciuto (I can't spell that), marinated peppers and cheese, then covered with the peppers, baked in the oven and all covered by tomato sauce half way through because I thought it would dry up if I didn't.
Man, that was good. But I also enjoyed the plain rice cooked in not-home-made chicken broth and steamed broccoli that was a good 10 days old and losing it's colour. I had that while I was waiting for the chicken to cook and Man, that was good too.
I'm thinking of referring to Man every now and then, addressing him. Not in the way some teenagers put it everywhere (or at least I used it all the time, to talk to girls or guys, I called them all Man at some point or I just said 'Man' as a general expression followed by a sigh). No, I will say Man in the same way, but I will be talking to a Man. A specific Man. Like you, perhaps. Is that all right Man? Do let me know.
So Man, the thing I enjoyed at least as much as eating this meal, was that I had cooked everything right and made a little creation out of it and nothing was waisted and nothing was unpleasantly eaten because I had to. And the leftovers are all packed into containers that where waiting neatly stacked in my two lone orderly shelfs (all others are kept in precarious but withstanding chaos), so I have tomorrow lunch time sorted.
There is something very pleasant about this simplicity. It packs up whirlwinds of creativity and sensorial essays into my mouth, my body, then neat containers for the morrow. And all of the essence of food is kept, tested, studied and used. And the palate says thank you and when can we do this again.
I need to say a few things of my day now. It is the second night that I have insomnia quite severely from 3 a.m. onwards, so my return to work was a bit muddled. However I felt particularly calm and clear while I was going through the motions. And in the morning I triggered a pretty enlightening conversation with one of the senior partners. It turns out that we have a similar worldview and interests, and I don't know how I was so pristinely articulate and focused while we talked, but I was. After our talk I sent him a reference link and not only did he knew and appreciated the author, but it ended with a citation that he's been using in his presentations of our company for the last two years. Syncronicity stuff, Man.
It's been good, and now I rest.
Amourx.
I guess that I am not shy to say that I am a fairly good, intuitive and imaginative cook. My favourite kitchen moments tend to be when I make something ingenious or unexpected, or just specially delicious, out of the 5 ingredients that happen to be in the fridge. If I manage to do that and process the food without waist, then I am a very content girl. Quite happy, quite satisfied indeed.
I don't stock up a lot of food, it helps to keep things fresh and interesting to fit my mood. Todays menu turned out to be chicken breast stuffed with procciuto (I can't spell that), marinated peppers and cheese, then covered with the peppers, baked in the oven and all covered by tomato sauce half way through because I thought it would dry up if I didn't.
Man, that was good. But I also enjoyed the plain rice cooked in not-home-made chicken broth and steamed broccoli that was a good 10 days old and losing it's colour. I had that while I was waiting for the chicken to cook and Man, that was good too.
I'm thinking of referring to Man every now and then, addressing him. Not in the way some teenagers put it everywhere (or at least I used it all the time, to talk to girls or guys, I called them all Man at some point or I just said 'Man' as a general expression followed by a sigh). No, I will say Man in the same way, but I will be talking to a Man. A specific Man. Like you, perhaps. Is that all right Man? Do let me know.
So Man, the thing I enjoyed at least as much as eating this meal, was that I had cooked everything right and made a little creation out of it and nothing was waisted and nothing was unpleasantly eaten because I had to. And the leftovers are all packed into containers that where waiting neatly stacked in my two lone orderly shelfs (all others are kept in precarious but withstanding chaos), so I have tomorrow lunch time sorted.
There is something very pleasant about this simplicity. It packs up whirlwinds of creativity and sensorial essays into my mouth, my body, then neat containers for the morrow. And all of the essence of food is kept, tested, studied and used. And the palate says thank you and when can we do this again.
I need to say a few things of my day now. It is the second night that I have insomnia quite severely from 3 a.m. onwards, so my return to work was a bit muddled. However I felt particularly calm and clear while I was going through the motions. And in the morning I triggered a pretty enlightening conversation with one of the senior partners. It turns out that we have a similar worldview and interests, and I don't know how I was so pristinely articulate and focused while we talked, but I was. After our talk I sent him a reference link and not only did he knew and appreciated the author, but it ended with a citation that he's been using in his presentations of our company for the last two years. Syncronicity stuff, Man.
It's been good, and now I rest.
Amourx.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Day Three
I spoke about my soirée, but not about my weigh-in. It went up, I weigh more (some 2 pounds), and I know why. However, this time I am also tracking my fat percentage and body measurements and luckily those are going steadily down. That is a relief, and I will continue to chart those as I progress.
My body definitely wants to be bigger, but I want it to be stronger. We will have a nice long talk and many walks.
I went shopping for clothes yesterday, and I was lucky to find two pair of jeans, a lovely cardigan, and two tanks on good sales! I paid 150$ for the lot. And the jeans are DKNY and Mavi, good brands. I wasn't looking for sales, I wanted to feel better and find nice fitting clothes for the night and for the fall. I barely looked and found all I needed. And at the last shop I also picked up a 3 inch wide green bangle-style bracelet circled in gold, for 20$.
I went on my third run and sadly, I don't think that I will be able to take up running right away. My legs aren't exactly the same length and I wear compensating insoles when I wear shoes (so in summer, I don't wear them much even if I should). Strong pain in my right hip triggered the diagnostic and the insoles seemed to do the trick - no more pain in my hip in my regular day to day walk.
But during the last run my hip was in such pain that I couldn't run the last two intervals and could barely walk straight. I'm still inflamed now but it is easing out slowly. For a good 24 hours thought it was a bit incapacitating. My physio had advised me back then to avoid impact sports on my leg. That is such a bummer!
I will have to cycle and cross-country ski and find an elliptical. The two former are super fun but they take some setting up. The elliptical is ok in bad climate, but I will have to figure out where to do that.
The other part of my plan is to get muscled up in my legs. I have noticed that my balance is poor yoga and that it had a lot to do with weak muscles. The body needs structure to hold everything up. In the same way I think that a more muscular body would hold my limbs in better place when I run, and that with my insoles maybe I wouldn't get any friction in the hip socket.
I'm feeling all right. Happy to have a long week-end.
Amourx.
2 Points
Bon. J'arrive d'une fête où on devait mettre un coeur si on est célibataire et je l'ai fait. Ah c'était tatouage aussi et alors j'en ai trouvé des jolis. Un sur un sein (ben mon chest ou en haut des sein là, c'est quoi? mais bon il tombe sur mon sein. et un sur mon bras. deux dragons qui se regardent avec un petit coeur pour chacun d'eux fait main, assez discret).
Contente d'y être allée et me suis bien amusée mais mais? Ben rien, justement. J'ai aimé la radio dans l'auto, white wedding au retour. Nirvana à l'allée. Trop bon. Je me suis débrouillée dans le social. Et donc j'ai des nuances à apporter peut-être.
Il n'y avait pas de coup de coeur. J'ai regardé. J'ai socialisé. J'ai du mal à reconnaître sur le vif les possibilités. Mais quand même je crois que cette fois j'ai bien saisie l'ensemble puisque c'était assez petit et contenu. La suite je l'écris juste pour me rappeler de garder le moral, pour nuancer. Je vous averti ça va être inventorial.
Un homme m'a arrêté sur mon nom. D'où sa vient, comment ça s'écrit, et comble... "moi mon prénom je l'écris jamais avec un accent aiguë". Weird. Ensuite je me suis mis dans un coin et ai parlé comme il faut à 2 personnes, dont un que j'ai fini par me désintéressé. Il ne m'avait pas particulièrement intéressées d'emblée, mais j'essayais, mais non.
Enfin finalement j'en ai vu un cute. Petit, mais rendu là, ça allait. Alors j'ai réussi à le détourner d'une conversation avec un autre type (1 point). J'ai réussi à avoir une conversation avec lui et il a changé de langue (point no.2), et... malgré mon intérêt soutenu après un bout, j'eut besoin de respirer un peu et je suis partie prendre mon verre à l'intérieur. Bête de même. J'ai pas vraiment senti rien de sa part qui me retenait. Pis, j'suis rentrée chez moi mais je suis bien certaine que je n'ai pas loupé quelqu'un là-bas. Bon.
Une fille pourrait se sentir découragée mais faut pas penser comme ça. Faut penser que je sors à peine de mon cocon, à peine. Une petite patte dehors pour tester l'eau. Et que dans toute l'expérience il n'y a pas eu de rejet. J'ai même été vue. J'ai même fait des efforts. Et rien ne m'est arrivée de mal. Alors, bella. Bonne nuit? D'accord. C'est un petit pas pour la Kat, un grand pas pour l'humanité.
Amourx.
Contente d'y être allée et me suis bien amusée mais mais? Ben rien, justement. J'ai aimé la radio dans l'auto, white wedding au retour. Nirvana à l'allée. Trop bon. Je me suis débrouillée dans le social. Et donc j'ai des nuances à apporter peut-être.
Il n'y avait pas de coup de coeur. J'ai regardé. J'ai socialisé. J'ai du mal à reconnaître sur le vif les possibilités. Mais quand même je crois que cette fois j'ai bien saisie l'ensemble puisque c'était assez petit et contenu. La suite je l'écris juste pour me rappeler de garder le moral, pour nuancer. Je vous averti ça va être inventorial.
Un homme m'a arrêté sur mon nom. D'où sa vient, comment ça s'écrit, et comble... "moi mon prénom je l'écris jamais avec un accent aiguë". Weird. Ensuite je me suis mis dans un coin et ai parlé comme il faut à 2 personnes, dont un que j'ai fini par me désintéressé. Il ne m'avait pas particulièrement intéressées d'emblée, mais j'essayais, mais non.
Enfin finalement j'en ai vu un cute. Petit, mais rendu là, ça allait. Alors j'ai réussi à le détourner d'une conversation avec un autre type (1 point). J'ai réussi à avoir une conversation avec lui et il a changé de langue (point no.2), et... malgré mon intérêt soutenu après un bout, j'eut besoin de respirer un peu et je suis partie prendre mon verre à l'intérieur. Bête de même. J'ai pas vraiment senti rien de sa part qui me retenait. Pis, j'suis rentrée chez moi mais je suis bien certaine que je n'ai pas loupé quelqu'un là-bas. Bon.
Une fille pourrait se sentir découragée mais faut pas penser comme ça. Faut penser que je sors à peine de mon cocon, à peine. Une petite patte dehors pour tester l'eau. Et que dans toute l'expérience il n'y a pas eu de rejet. J'ai même été vue. J'ai même fait des efforts. Et rien ne m'est arrivée de mal. Alors, bella. Bonne nuit? D'accord. C'est un petit pas pour la Kat, un grand pas pour l'humanité.
Amourx.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
About Cracks
A little status. I felt depressed yesterday night. Nothing too heavy but I want to record it. I think that I threw in a good days work, then I went home and moved very little. I had the option to run or knit or watch a movie and I didn't. I read some and fell asleep early.
Remember that song that cracked my heart in the morning? The line is fine for me between being inspired to feel love and being hurt from the feeling of loss (or something like that). I think that I crossed that line, and the song which is really a heartbreaking song of mourning, pushed me there. Cracks are unpredictable in nature, but I still welcome them, consequence and all, as long as it doesn't happen too fast. I just happened to remember love and even desire.
Friends, I think that I have enough material to make my own freaking therapy.
So, there was that. There was changing my lunch plans and running for a sandwich. And the most tangible stressor for me was forcing myself in the uber teflon team. It's a tough time for me doing that, but I should give myself props for doing it like good little robot.
I think that I may have spent too many days alone. Going to Turkey is a stressor too. And I did have my inner voice of nagging doom throwing stuff at me.
Alright, onwards. I have an open day today. A lunch to talk about Turkey with a girl that I am interested to know at work. I hope to make the work day meaningful and have good breaks. Tonight I would go for a 40 min. run/walk... maybe straight after work i'm thinking. And I have my weight training at home. Friday is open. Saturday I have a Party and from then on september has filled up with lots of social stuff. I don't know if my wee heart will open enough to see and seize the opportunity. Food for thought. Amourx.
Remember that song that cracked my heart in the morning? The line is fine for me between being inspired to feel love and being hurt from the feeling of loss (or something like that). I think that I crossed that line, and the song which is really a heartbreaking song of mourning, pushed me there. Cracks are unpredictable in nature, but I still welcome them, consequence and all, as long as it doesn't happen too fast. I just happened to remember love and even desire.
Friends, I think that I have enough material to make my own freaking therapy.
So, there was that. There was changing my lunch plans and running for a sandwich. And the most tangible stressor for me was forcing myself in the uber teflon team. It's a tough time for me doing that, but I should give myself props for doing it like good little robot.
I think that I may have spent too many days alone. Going to Turkey is a stressor too. And I did have my inner voice of nagging doom throwing stuff at me.
Alright, onwards. I have an open day today. A lunch to talk about Turkey with a girl that I am interested to know at work. I hope to make the work day meaningful and have good breaks. Tonight I would go for a 40 min. run/walk... maybe straight after work i'm thinking. And I have my weight training at home. Friday is open. Saturday I have a Party and from then on september has filled up with lots of social stuff. I don't know if my wee heart will open enough to see and seize the opportunity. Food for thought. Amourx.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)