Hoarding

Well lets see now - how are things...

The scarf is almost finish and it is something else of a wonderful wonder.

I am in front of - unmeetable goals. I'd say, I'm quite certain, that it has nothing to do with me.

Significant pre-emptive guilt and anxiety about those goals.

Losing control by the amount of stuff coming in. Unsettled by peers that i don't control. Almost remotly satisfied that in one spot, i am doing the impossible quite well.

This all relates to work, and if I would be balanced, there would be a whole world of support and work wouldn't matter so much, right? Who knows.

I am working hard around that issue and need to congratulate meself, cause I still like my new job. So.

Good things of todayz:
-the programmed coffee ready in the morning
-the dawn simulator when my bfriend is here and the first thing i see is his glowing smiley face
-luminotherapy
-the morning runs (!) with zen music, seeing the sun rise.
-the connection with something bigger than me
-the friendliness of my peers, of my clients, even
-the new knitting stuff and books that I hoard and love to hoard some more.
-the gov. job exam that i had to refuse
-the beer when I get home
-the calm
-the somber november days

For sure I have tilted today, with hindsight, about work, and I am calming now by writing, beer, and maybe by will too.

Thank you.