Just saying

So at the end of the day I went to see my boss to ask about a resource. He suggested that I enter a jello-wrestling contest with my colleague to determine who would get the resource. He would provide the Jello.

Just saying.

I am Semi Sweet

Good night

Never

I abused exposure to stressful events (normal work stuff, but stressful for moi as long as I don't change from being a dooer to a meeter - being a meeter is stressful when you think that you have to do everything afterward. A thought here - I could be a bit less of a doer. huh.

Plus all the insanities creeping back up.

I had something else to do before midnight for a friend - another intense deadline. It's done but I don't feel good. I had a lot of delicious rum drink that i concocted (mixed it with lemonade and grenadine). Now I feel racked.

Copain even came and left. It's too hot for him. And we argued casually, normal stuff.

I hear the rain outside - i love it.

I'm not in my peace, but I have 4 days off to find it.

Never let anyone define who you are.

amourx

Calm Down Girl

Calming down.

But getting hyper and hyper-er as time ticks towards the end of the week-end. I have so many relaxing things that I want to do - now! But I have this rush of tomorrow pounding and pounding, keeping me high and alert. Therefore I am heading to what would be my cabinet but is now a box, a bag, and a counter top filled with things. I am going to grab the drug, cut it in thirds, and eat it. No other way about it.

On a side note, today I did do a lot of nice things.

Amourx

Things for my Real Life

How about a quiet and peaceful post. I am back from a kayaking foray on nearby islands of Boucherville, and a bite at La Pizzaillole. Oh and 2 or 3 hours of resting while i listen to Hector Berlioz (I have days of classical music that I downloaded for 10$, I don't know it much so I pick a composer on days like today to see what happens). It was quite nice. Big. Signs abound that I am slowly growing wiser (this is my preferred synonym to older).

I am not doing this innocently. I need these long moments to de-stress. There is only so much that I can take in, and do, and after I get all like woh, I need a break.

I'm kind of gaging my stress level still... like even being with copain was difficult. I can't deal with it. hmm...

Tomorrow I have a bit of a project to write down. It's going to be good. I also hope that I will finally send off my income tax report of the last two years. I have no excuses. Well...

Other things are always difficult like going to the doctor in time. Things for my real life. For sure that went down the ditch the last couple years.

I had a thought about what if... wondering if I would have kids. I'm 36 so the topic is naturally one. Would I have a family if I had always had solid foundation, a stable and loving environment and general ok luck in life? I dunno. Maybe. But then I wouldn't be me - at all!

Honestly, just a good partner is swell enough. I'm way too tired for kids. If they came along by their own means, that's fine. I'm not going to force it.

See how life gets heavy!

Sooo I am nearly finishing my pills - a good thing. I think that my brains works a bit differently than for most people. I have a different appreciation of time, and am a very 'feeling' person. Imagine big fuzzy balls of feelings and impressions circling around you and getting in contact with you. That's how I work - like I have a feeling meter that goes up and down and absorbs things.

I rarely decipher things down to the detail. Details are blurry. Conversations are blurry. I remember all the words, but they are second to the emotion fuzz that comes off them. Sometimes it's hard to decide what to believe, the words or the fuzz. Often they are very distinct.

That may be why I am an introvert. Looking in someones eyes, reading them, and revealing mine. Quite intense for me. I take it small doses.

Amourx.

Hello Mellow

To my surprise, and with the help of sound advice from copain, I untied the stress knot and had a pretty fluid week. I'm doing new stuff and I like it - putting presentations together. Thinking, writing. Not too shabby.

I'm still trying to get back on track. Hello, rest of my life!?

Sooo... You know I like knitting and knitting things and books and crochet things and books, and I'm also interested in sewing. Well, I don't have a piece scheduled to be done soon. I read from time to time the knitting blogs and the writing podcast, and they sooth me.

I really want to feel like I am moving on with a creation of a kind and my home. I don't do much, I don't advance fast. Well hey, I'm me. Usually time warped.

Holidays soon. Happiness.

I think the only goal I can handle right now is to be mellow.

Amourx.

Ahk

Hwell... I've been attacked again by stress inducing people and situations. I DON'T like it, have lost sleep and it keeps pounding at my door by the hour. Again the source is clear and there is collateral too. A general Ahk situation.

Buuut I'm keeping the moral if not my mind intact. It's harder to cap off and pull out, but it's still the goal. Doing a crochet cozy, drinking beer, dozing in the bath and such is on the program tonight - but I barely can keep my eyes open after last night of not sleeping. This is so unnecessary and kind of sickly :(

I can't even make this post fun and none-work related. Hmm.

Another beer should be a good answer for now.

Amourx.

Heroism

Mornings are Grrreat. I just have outlined a very nice day, washed up the dishes, saw my future, shopped for outdoor furniture for my 1x2 meters balcony. I have incorporated two mailboxes account in my Mail app (a pretty basic thing to do, but I only just did it today). I have used Picasa to import my photos. It has ERASED all my photos from the drive and DID NOT save them to my computer...

Well that was not ok! But friends, in less then 5 minutes I found a free script to recuperate the lost data from my flash card. In the same 5 minutes I have set it up and running. The photos are now being sucked up and saved to my drive. I am very proud of this moment.

Off to do more fun things now.

Amourx.

I'll

I'm only trying this look - it's so zero effort! One day I will make one (effort) - to have a pretty blog with my own design thoughts. I realize that the birds don't really work with the Girl in the bottle at sea theme.

I wanted to say that... well, I'm doing well. I have sort of been uplifted of late. It's to do with picking up the right clothes in the morning, biking, the sun and the summer. Hair control too. Seriously though... I'm being very structured and easy and good on me. I lost maybe 4 pounds and today... feels like my mojo even came back. The pills were definitely the culprit here.

I just block things off when they really want to screw me (in a bad way I mean). I clock out when I need to and rest when I need too. A pretty good recipe.

I gave my mom her throw and we had a pretty fun time at the restaurant and the movies (you should really check out 'Dans ses yeux'). She was happy. Next on my list are socks for Chantal and sweater for beau. I'm doing a cozy for my glass water bottle. Simple things make me happy.

As long as the times are sweet, I'll be happy.

Amourx.

Falloir

Je suis une bonne combattante mais crevée. Je ne veux pas vous parler du boulot encore - tout le monde travaille. Juste que ça me crève quand je concentre tout ça dans les heures supposées.

Je fini la jetée pour ma mère. J'ai une bordure à mettre tout le tour et c'est fini. Je veux lui remettre vendredi mais je sais pas si j'y arriverai.

Je voulais vous dire que je suis déjà crevée et c'est mardi. Va falloir que je prenne ça molo demain.

Amourx.

Début d'un budget

Ça commence comme ça:

COMBIEN J'AI
COMBIEN JE DOIS

DÉPENSE COURANTES
NON COURANTES
BUDGET ANNUEL ET MENSUEL

COMBIEN J'AI BESOIN

LIFESTYLE:
Des voyages/vacances 4-5 par année
Argent dispo pour intérêts variées, hobbies, vêtements, sorties
Argent pour habitation
Retraite - haHAhahahHAhaha

Ça fini avec un esclaffement généralisé :)

Tea Bag

I am still flatlining with mood staying on the low to ok. Trying to out-think it (and not over-think it). What's causing this? Could be the reduction of my pills, the casual wine or beer drinking mixed with the pill reduction, could be the weather being something else than crystal clear and powder blue. Could be all the buried demons coming back up. I know this feeling too well. Takes a lot to out power it.

I may have to, cause I don't like the way I feel like wet tea bag. That won't go away unless I start moving my ass. I'm going to change my lifestyle, yes. Tomorrow.

Amourx.

Even what's relative

Tonight I am a bit under the weather as in down - but not much. It's a combo of the DRB and probably indulging in too many cups of wine over the days. I lay passively reading about a craft. Strange activity but I can image many people delving in it as I do. My knitting is on the side, I screwed up and it's too dark to fix it tonight. I have 2 others on standby nearly finished - does it matter really? No...

Maybe after a couple years of this schtick I should move on. That's what I'm thinking. It ain't that bad when you put things all relative. I imagine that I grab the earth, turn it upside down and give it a shake. There, all better now. Sometimes you have to shake even what's relative too, I guess.

Yeah. I'll come back to you. Just wanted to say, tonight, I'm flatlining. It's ok.

Amourx.

Tossed

This should be interesting and Rosé. I had a very delicious dinner of fetuccini with rosé sauce which I made. It included a cup of cream and a hole pack of feta cheese (for the twist) and oh my... it was that good and I ate it all. There was a dash of oregano and fresh basil leaves added in the end. Garlic pressed in it at first. That sums it up! Mium.

This was all organized around rosé wine. I believe that I am 3 quarters down the bottle and I have stopped, because frankly, I was tipsy on the first glass (good bang for the buck!). I stained my white couch with red blood — it's all in the washer now.

I was planning to draft something for worked cause I can say, it's pretty fucked up down there... but my nine to five caught up with me and I favoured the rosé. Everything gets tossed.

Amourx.