Soufflé

This is a first - I'm writing my post while another human sits only a meter away. My boyfriend, my sister, my mother, no one ever saw this blog or heard of it, unless by their own means, which is allowed but not probable. I never mention a word about it. To no one.

But I am sooo striving to write up my thoughts here, and I can't do it anywhere but in this living area thanks to the absence of wifi (I am living in an appartment shared with 2 collegues and the girlfriend of one of them, who sadly is bored right now because her boyfriend is always working, and it's sad because we probably could of painted the town red, or each other). I would do this in my bedroom, which has a lovely and great big balcony that is also private. But no, no connection there. This is a problem. I can't socialise that often, or keep my thoughts trivial, so long.

Today I was again unsure, unsettled and anxious. I left work quite late but the sun never sets in this northern city. I came home settled to drink on my own. I meant eat. I thought of things that could cheer me up. My soufflé body cream after a hot bath. Make that a shower, no baths here (but the shower is state of the art).

Planning all the things I can do now that I'm here right now. See the islands nearby, with the contemporary out-of-this world architecture. That's what the architects called it, so it must be it. Tomorrow perhaps?

Instead of anxing about it, about not fitting in not earning my due not doing what I'm here for, maybe I should just freeload it. A thought. I'm way too anxious.

10 more days and I am 50% happy, 50% already sad that I'm leaving, 50% missing the cozy comforts of home, where I can really be alone AND on the net at the same time.

I took my pill and downed it with a beer. I feel better now. Although my mom would have a heart attack if she read this, it's nothing like that.

There are tons of museums here but that can be done another time. Oddly I did not see one single heart throb. In the land of the tall people! I'm not there nanyways.

Nothing much but the decision of should I smoke the pot or read the book. For once, dutch tv is cooperating. And so is my poor, left behind sister in ams.

Amourxxx