Self Stuff

Hints of despair are hitting me in the background - I recognize myself. The hurt girl with a life that I could only grasp with hindsight, and only by pieces, not enough to solve the puzzle completely. I've become so rational now. No. I have unwarped the formless ball of emotion that was my interface with the world. I learned to un-ra-vel things in their time, like space between words when you speak. This came late - but it pays back a lot. I don't cry very often now. I talk.

So i'm learning a few things about myself. I'm fast pace. I WANT stuff. I'm action and concrete. I Celebrate. I'm outspoken, of all things. I'm hungry, and I'm content. I am not so afraid, and not so lonely. Not lonely, I should say. I'm still very sensing and emotional, but that doesn't rule now, it assists.

The old me was too fragile, too hurting. It didn't work, for all the respect I have.

But today, I'm under the weather and immobile, and I feel stuff that I used to feel. Aaah, there it is, that old me. I'm gonna let her in. The sadness is here now. It was permanent then. It's an old (wise?) friend.

Going back into a ball where I don't have to speak, don't have to appear, just be on my own. And see what comes out of it.

Amourxxx