Some to do’s are meaningful because they mean progress:
-get a meeting with financial advisor (and pick up my taxes, 3 years of them are done and this is 3 years of anxiety out ☺)
By the way I got a huge raise last week ☺
-call to get dishwasher and fan installation done.
Those two things are huge milestones. I will be 50 pounds lighter after this.
Amourx.
I think I got it. Dream of a home!! A home with 2 floors and a basement, with a fireplace maybe. A home with a yard to enjoy. An old home, a new home, a home to live in and love in. A home to create, paint, fix, build, strip, entertain, educate, grow. A home that becomes my first life. A home where new dreams are concocted and life is re-invented.
I want a home.
Amourx.
It would be on the small side. Compact. Hot, feverish even, very still.
My body would be… socially acceptable. Not comparable to my real body, which is probably on the upper end of socially acceptable. My home is a little bit more… socially borderline acceptable. Definitely shy, introverted and even agoraphobic.
Its pointless to compare with other homes, I am aiming for a baseline here.
My body would be functional. Everything is working here although my dishwasher has been broken for years, from the time I fell on the open door (a freak accident). So I hand wash dishes and lo, dirty dishes are part of the everyday, wether I stare at them or wash them. It’s one or the other.
So, if I went to the doctor with my home-body, I would pass the health test. But digging deeper, things will not necessarily be so good. I may be suffering of a depression or other mental illness. Lets dig deeper.
Hygiene. While my real body has a healthy regiment for hygiene, I’m not sure the home would pass the test. If the floor is my skin, and I wash the floor maybe three times a year, well I wash my skin everyday or two. My floor does not pass the test of proper hygiene.
Then again I sometimes wash areas of the floor, the centre of the rooms. the kitchen and bathroom, more often. Maybe this is like ‘lightly’ brushing teeth and washing hair twice a week. It would be ok if it was more frequent. You always need a thorough cleaning. For the body once a week can work for hair, nails, shaving etc. For the home… Is it once a month?
So if my home was a body it would be dirty. My clothes would have food spills and blotches, the clutter in my home. I would have zits and hair growing where it’s not supposed too. My hair would be big and tangled (just like in real life). The only reason I would not be overweight is because I’ve been wearing skinny jeans since 1983.
If my home was a body it would have no social skills. It would be abused by a controlling, dominating owner, that will not ever let it grow and evolve. It would never have company. I would never make someone happy for being in me, not even my evil, dominating owner.
If my home was a body, only a fraction of its potential is used. My home could be an open field, where new relations are made, and the world order drawn all over again. Most importantly my home could be where my people comes, rests, plays and reinvents the world.
Amourx.
Hello there, it feels like it has been a while.
To tell you the truth, I have been feeling the very bad feelings of yore, creeping in the background. Feeling different, removed, probably rejected, sad, scared, immobilzed etc. Bleh.
There are no reasons, I have a fabulous boyfriend (but maybe I give him too much importance in my happiness?), the weather is so good it’s decadent. I have pleasant week-ends spent on bikes and I went to the beach and swam and suntanned. I have friends and a social life and a family. I have invitations. There are no reasons to feel uneasy but it’s there.
Even my job I cannot blame. I can say though that I don’t move, and I have to resolve that chop chop. I have succeeded in drinking less than 2 cups of coffee a day, I guess that’s good, but the other 2 things I wanted to do, which is to report here and to do 10 min. of exercise everyday fell through. And I really feel like crap about that.
I have nuisance things that I can get rid of bit by bit. And I gotta move more. Essentially, that’s it. I will start with my place.
Amourx.
I would like to add a ranting bit, but it’s not the point. I am extremely edgy this week. Mostly due to work. It’s not working, I just figured out. This after firing and hiring. I don’t like to do this. I have remorse. I wish for a simple life.
Good things:
My beau beau beau beau beau
Hiring I guess
The house, the quiet
Drank only 2 cups, reported it
The weather
The coming week-end
The busy bees
Can I say that tomorrow is just one more day
And that I can have all the love
In the world
And see my beau
And be merry
and happy
love love love
Amourx.
Good things:
The damp weather with smells that made me feel that I was on a trip. Brought memories of Turkey or traveling generally.
Riding my bike
Cash coming to me, from friends once on a trip with me
Gathered all my papers for taxes! <-- this is huge
Really literally, I have the cutest boyfriend ever to be seen in a bed or elsewhere
Spending the night in his arms
Worked damn hard
Hired someone!
Drank two cups of coffee only today, had green tea in the pm
In truth I have a lot going for me, but I still worry. Work is the biggest thing, but I think that I can manage it between work hours. Its should resolve soon.
I have minor personal worries, I can’t say much here, but I note them and will address them slowly.
I find that what weights on me are things that slip into time and never get done. That’s why I deserve a round of applause about my taxes! They are not done yet, but the yucky part is.
Fitness wise I’m not doing everything completely according to plan. I’m cutting me some slack cause I have a busy work life and a blooming love life. I will get there, I have faith.
Tonight I rest after a good days work. Tomorrow I will exercise. At night I will see my beau, cook for him I think. I count my blessings everyday (and if I forget, I mean to).
Amourx.
Good things:
The weather oh my god! Seeing the trees full of new leaves, the blue sky, the light, pleasant wind, the full warm sun all day, the days getting longer. Oh my god indeed, it was so pleasant.
Seeing my mom, and making a date with my grandparents in two weeks.
The evening out with beau oh my god again, as pleasant as the day is.
The delicious simple foods tonight
The quiet
Drinking no more than 2 cups of coffee
the Darjeeling tea and the petit fours medley
Driving
Staying calm in the eye of the storm
Amourx.
