Just saying

So at the end of the day I went to see my boss to ask about a resource. He suggested that I enter a jello-wrestling contest with my colleague to determine who would get the resource. He would provide the Jello.

Just saying.

I am Semi Sweet

Good night

Never

I abused exposure to stressful events (normal work stuff, but stressful for moi as long as I don't change from being a dooer to a meeter - being a meeter is stressful when you think that you have to do everything afterward. A thought here - I could be a bit less of a doer. huh.

Plus all the insanities creeping back up.

I had something else to do before midnight for a friend - another intense deadline. It's done but I don't feel good. I had a lot of delicious rum drink that i concocted (mixed it with lemonade and grenadine). Now I feel racked.

Copain even came and left. It's too hot for him. And we argued casually, normal stuff.

I hear the rain outside - i love it.

I'm not in my peace, but I have 4 days off to find it.

Never let anyone define who you are.

amourx

Calm Down Girl

Calming down.

But getting hyper and hyper-er as time ticks towards the end of the week-end. I have so many relaxing things that I want to do - now! But I have this rush of tomorrow pounding and pounding, keeping me high and alert. Therefore I am heading to what would be my cabinet but is now a box, a bag, and a counter top filled with things. I am going to grab the drug, cut it in thirds, and eat it. No other way about it.

On a side note, today I did do a lot of nice things.

Amourx

Things for my Real Life

How about a quiet and peaceful post. I am back from a kayaking foray on nearby islands of Boucherville, and a bite at La Pizzaillole. Oh and 2 or 3 hours of resting while i listen to Hector Berlioz (I have days of classical music that I downloaded for 10$, I don't know it much so I pick a composer on days like today to see what happens). It was quite nice. Big. Signs abound that I am slowly growing wiser (this is my preferred synonym to older).

I am not doing this innocently. I need these long moments to de-stress. There is only so much that I can take in, and do, and after I get all like woh, I need a break.

I'm kind of gaging my stress level still... like even being with copain was difficult. I can't deal with it. hmm...

Tomorrow I have a bit of a project to write down. It's going to be good. I also hope that I will finally send off my income tax report of the last two years. I have no excuses. Well...

Other things are always difficult like going to the doctor in time. Things for my real life. For sure that went down the ditch the last couple years.

I had a thought about what if... wondering if I would have kids. I'm 36 so the topic is naturally one. Would I have a family if I had always had solid foundation, a stable and loving environment and general ok luck in life? I dunno. Maybe. But then I wouldn't be me - at all!

Honestly, just a good partner is swell enough. I'm way too tired for kids. If they came along by their own means, that's fine. I'm not going to force it.

See how life gets heavy!

Sooo I am nearly finishing my pills - a good thing. I think that my brains works a bit differently than for most people. I have a different appreciation of time, and am a very 'feeling' person. Imagine big fuzzy balls of feelings and impressions circling around you and getting in contact with you. That's how I work - like I have a feeling meter that goes up and down and absorbs things.

I rarely decipher things down to the detail. Details are blurry. Conversations are blurry. I remember all the words, but they are second to the emotion fuzz that comes off them. Sometimes it's hard to decide what to believe, the words or the fuzz. Often they are very distinct.

That may be why I am an introvert. Looking in someones eyes, reading them, and revealing mine. Quite intense for me. I take it small doses.

Amourx.

Hello Mellow

To my surprise, and with the help of sound advice from copain, I untied the stress knot and had a pretty fluid week. I'm doing new stuff and I like it - putting presentations together. Thinking, writing. Not too shabby.

I'm still trying to get back on track. Hello, rest of my life!?

Sooo... You know I like knitting and knitting things and books and crochet things and books, and I'm also interested in sewing. Well, I don't have a piece scheduled to be done soon. I read from time to time the knitting blogs and the writing podcast, and they sooth me.

I really want to feel like I am moving on with a creation of a kind and my home. I don't do much, I don't advance fast. Well hey, I'm me. Usually time warped.

Holidays soon. Happiness.

I think the only goal I can handle right now is to be mellow.

Amourx.

Ahk

Hwell... I've been attacked again by stress inducing people and situations. I DON'T like it, have lost sleep and it keeps pounding at my door by the hour. Again the source is clear and there is collateral too. A general Ahk situation.

Buuut I'm keeping the moral if not my mind intact. It's harder to cap off and pull out, but it's still the goal. Doing a crochet cozy, drinking beer, dozing in the bath and such is on the program tonight - but I barely can keep my eyes open after last night of not sleeping. This is so unnecessary and kind of sickly :(

I can't even make this post fun and none-work related. Hmm.

Another beer should be a good answer for now.

Amourx.