Taxed

It's Autumn. Autumn. Indian summer automn.

I'm seeing this season through cracks, and I like it.

I like to drive under the influence - of meds that is. I was awfully stressed before. Now, I enjoy it. It's calming.

I think that I accumulated and created to much stress for anyone's good today. It would take me hours, days, to restore. I am taxed.

Some things are happening in the outer world these days, history they say. Let's just wait, i say.

Soothing music, sleep will be difficult tonight. It could be.

Amourx.

War day

good things of today
my pms warrior drive (can also be considered a bad thing)
the 5 min walk
the so nice weather
stuff done, some and more
talk with sunshine head
and all the nice people
the 6pm exit
unexpected free hour at night
list of things i liked, written
on the back of my condo plan
anthropology
things to come
the friendly boyfriend
the duck down duvet
i have to run

Amourx.

Duck and blink

the outcome of this part of my life will make itself. I'm very happy to enjoy this sunny day without work in the agenda. I am going through the motion and the motion makes me nauseous, catapulting me to the next base station. In a way i can say that this was almost planned. When I said yes, I knew that I was testing my limit. I'm still here though and i will show up for work like normal people do, tomorrow.

I'm glad that the finger was pointed on others than me. I'm glad that others are noting, that it's not just in my head. I have doubted myself far too long. But, I am happy. Cause I know the prison that i place myself in can cease to exist with one blink. Blink. Blink. Blink! :-)

The sun shines on me and warms me, and so does the duck down comforter that boyfriend gave me, which I dressed up in the most beautifully printed, elegant duvet cover in subtle hues and sheens. The fabric recals the texture of raw silk, but with some reflective thread woven into it. This present worked out really fine.

I drew all the rooms of my future home and imagined the colors and the fabrics. Then I drew a table setting and placed a bunch of people in it, including a baby and a dog. Then I drew myself, a tall man, a baby, more people, a dog, music, a guitar and drums, confetti. It wasn't a wedding until now. It was happiness. I keep it in my backpack.

Love always,
Tara

Good and Sad

Good things of a few days
the b-day family diner
the nephews card
the comforter, a great present!
The morning buzz
The (little) more time, more control
The bike
The book: vandal love
the help, a little bit more every week
the impromptu walk with ex boss

sad things:
I have lost touch with all/any friends
I'm losing interest in the little things i do
I don't fit in my clothes - seriously getting fatter
I don't have decent clothes - time to shop is a luxury that I don't have
I tie my hair up everyday and fill my head with bobby pins
Everything else, everything, i don't do.

amourx.

fuzz

I know where cotton comes from. Leave rice in the rice cooker for say, three weeks. I turns into white puffy fuzz. It also will make your house stink after day 5. Don't even ask how i didn't see it......

My wifi is cooperating - I can't work tonight. I thus endeavored to clean. And I will celebrate with ice cider - the gods nectar if any. I slept all day in a patch of sun. With my limited freedom of tonight, I caught a glimpse of lonely. Hmm.

Tara.

Birthday (almost)

my green eyes sometimes darken
my dreams
last night, took me away
to my home, out of bounds
open with art and sky
and to the unexpected,
illegal kiss
that grounds and resounds
back to the place
i want to be.
My dreams last night
took me overseas
with a crystal and an urban waterfall ride
bake to my home,
to nymphs and crisp euphorics.

It's my birthday almost
and i don't mind to say
that i am happy to be
who i am,
with every deficit, disorder, difference and derailment
I'm in for keeps
and i see open roads ahead
onwards and onwards
in the katerisphere
when never a child, always one
love and beauty conquers all.

the world can be my playground
amourx.

Brownstone

This morning was difficult, and I came home with a headache to the unidentified stench. I Fled work because I have reached my limit. My jeans also, they have reached the limit that i can stretch them. Anti-depressants : they'll make you fat, but you won't care, cause you're libido will be down to zero. Just kidding, I care.

Good things of today
The how are you
The phone call
The pause

Mostly, i dream of my brownstone and my future. It's pretty.

amour.