In the bullet zone

I shall repeat my 30 minutes recipe this morning. I rise early for this, have coffee, ok.

Not sure how to put down what’s at the bottom of my heart. Job search is still dismal. I have been barely able to dispatch some of the work, which is a big relief. I still see deliverables appearing on an hourly basis - I have never worked so much and so inhumanly fast for an account. It helps to put this down, because what we are doing is extraordinary.

Why don’t I feel gratitude about this at the agency.

Some people have sent congratulations and told me how big this is of me and my team. People that matter to me personally.

But I don’t think that the direction gets what we in interactive are doing and what it requires and can give back. They repeatedly underestimate this media to the point that we are still not making any money with it where we should.

At least there is talent.

And then, I don’t feel like soiling this place by mentioning something which i am ashamed of. But on a weekly basis, I get hit by it. Something that triggers me deeply, gets at my core values, and that is the best motivation for my current job search.

In this context I have to bite bullets and hammer inordinate amount of work while directing a team to help me while keeping things structured and manageable. We are called for 24/7. I am burned.

The good, then:

I’ve been exercising regularly by taking 2 or 3 classes at the YMCA and at the morning yoga class at work. I also cook and bring lunches to work when I can. When I am able to do this, things get better by 30% straight away. I’m not always able to do this but that’s ok.

I’ve been taking care of financial stuff. This is boring for you reader, but for me this is also something that makes me feel 30% better. Otherwise I am haunted by the feeling of losing my life to the unworthy cause of work.

Next step is clearing out stuff and painting in my condo.

I have social events here and there but feel depressed about something. I need to rest and travel.

Amourx.