Pharmacopia

I am thinking that I have to revisit my depths. Spend some time alone, figuring my body and my senses, my envies and desires.

But first I must say, loudly and clearly, that I have found my true love, as far as I know, as far as it may go, with no doubt about this man and me for keeps. This was the third spoke of the wheel that I put together: my work, my home, my love. I have all three today, now, and I know that I am blessed. I must remember that this, too, shall pass. But, there are many ways of passing, or transitioning, or evolving, growing, changing, moving, loving and living. I am a happy person. And happiness begets happiness.

Back to my body and senses, then. I have some disfunction, as you may know. Currently I am nursing a cold. It's only taking me to sleep and away from work, as far as symptoms go. This may be a good thing. I  am sensing the great barrier reef of stress not too far in the background (it has humongous destructive powers). This may be because I reduced my antidepressents - the timing coincides completely. It may be because I started the (contraceptive) pill, it can have similar effects, although if you read the list of side effects for the pill, anything and its opposite can happen.

I've reduced the antidepressant because they interfere with my sex life. I haven't noticed improvements, so I am investigating what can be done. I wouldn't lower my antidepressants again because the stress would kick-in and wreak havoc. I should meditate on why, why, do I accept all this stress. I could start acting like I did one day in high school, when I stopped caring about my performance and started having a life outside of school. This is a very new thought. I have never had this idea before, and I think that there is something there.

I will tell my doctor what the status is next week. He can change my doses and my type of meds. I have other answers for my sex life. Did some interesting reading on the Orgasmic Diet book - I will try it. I have started yoga and will pursue it of course. I need to do all this in baby steps. Baby steps. It is simply curious how my body is acting, and this is why I was thinking that I need to go in my body and senses for themselves, sola. What does all this expansion and retraction modulate, and how can it educate me?

I am patient with myself and so my lover will be too. Now resting every part of my body like it wants too, listening and not resisting.

Amourx.