Not so Easy

I must come here when I am a tiny tidbit low, cause here I am again sitting on that fence. Not terribly low at all, but just looking at low, weary.

I have just returned from a solo holiday. It was perfect and I didn't get bored one minute. I drove for 600 miles all in all. Spent it at my usual getaway, Charlevoix, had a glorious suite, saw a classical music concert, went kayaking and saw many belugas. Also I read and knit, saw some family and am a generally happy camper.

But it's day two upon my return. I'm frightfully antsy or angry at work. My temper is off, way off. Just from vibes mainly. I'm sort of aware that it's mainly a me-thing. It will smooth out I'm sure.

I am starting to be weary of... meeting someone. Just normally, as time goes by, I'm not sure how it will go. I have already identified that it is not a group thing. You don't gang up and go meet. Check. I accept all invitations, but alas I have not had one from a man. I haven't pinpointed a man to invite either. And well, I'd like to run into one soon and that I could go about all that all easy. That's all.

Amourx

Twelve o'clock

This is a down, my first one, coming after mostly highs but it's never pretty to be here. Therefor I look at things starkly even if I am not poorly, not neglected, not unloved... but. I can look at it starkly.

I'd say the past 7 years have been something like a electro-ressucitation that started with a relationship, a struggle and a loss. Deep insatisfaction with my occupation (but at least I had something whereas before that nothing was sure), a firing, then a challenging job and finally a decent one. A long relationship with the wrong guy. And here I am asking again the same question: will I be loved. Will I be seen.

Fuck Fuck Fuck I don't want to go there, probably won't stay long. I'm working on it a lot. I'm a hard worker. I work. This is brought to you by too hot weather and too cheap sangria alone.

love.

Question de vieux

Est-ce que j'ai encore, par hasard, des lecteurs de l'époque ancienne - du temps de la neige et de la poésie? Suis-je encore une rubrique dans un vieux fil rss ignoré? Je me demande.

Gaar - uuush

Intentions

I need to write about beauty. I will get there.

Record

Um - I am a bit sick and deaf in one year. It's fine because I just had an invitation to the U2 concert on Friday, so I won't need earplugs, well maybe just one.

The moral is where it's at here on the descentes/girlinabottle blog my people, you all know that. And so, the moral is... ok.

I stayed home today because of this weird cold - I missed a day of of training (but I will be able to take it back) and something went god-awfully wrong at work and if I had been there, it would have made a difference. But hey I won't talk about work otherwise the rumors that I'm still too much in my work will turn out true.

Love? No. I'm not needy right now. I have girlfriends and a few regrets - I'm still an odd duck socially. But eventually I will need to see the world.

This isn't helping. But it is a record.

Amourx

Free

Well well well, it has been a good spell.

I have been up to some stuff, namely:
I made myself single

Well that's the biggest thing. I'm sick to-day so I won't be brilliant. I have had the itch to write some more in here, cause we all know that I am not a talker. And some things need to be written. So.

I still put too much of me in work, but I am getting better and having more fun. I have had the most girlfriend nights and chats since I left high school. I talk about my breakup to all who ask - I'm usually at peace. Sometimes a tad weary, but I get back on track quickly.

I have not made a move towards new men. Could they not come to me i say... I think I'm still tired and need to shape up. Oh and on that topic, I'm feeling a bit larger than I'd like to be, but, I still like me, even this way.

I'm still me, just a bit more free.

Amourx.