Big Dog

Arrived with a cold
left with a gastro
had winter every days
small tv in a hotel room
with towels shaped in animals
made love twice
once if you call it that
threw up on the tour bus
twice
came back to love my home
in its messiness and all
and with some resolve
did i love my trip?
Yes
My trip gave me Answers

Amourx.

I wish I had a grown up family
with a big dog
Do they come in that format?

Things to do before Cuba

keep my appartment cleaner
envision the trip, make a packing list
pay my bills
find my bank card or get a new one
return the netbook
shop for missing items
pack
get skis
ski on friday?
buy present for Victor and Chantal
go to Victor’s b-day party
take money out
get gifts for cubans
relax and open my mind
be happy

Amourx

Bas

Ca va mieux bêtement. Pourquoi? Le temps rough qui passe, la demande qui baisse meme si elle essait de m’assaillire le matin. J’ai reussi la déjouer. Les lancements enfin. Le travail foutument enfin souligné.

Parce que la moyenne des ours vont discrediter le travail de qqun qui ne relève pas de lui. Facile. Frustrant. Le monde est bas.

Ce matin je n’étais pas si bien. Mon intertie commence à me coûter – des mois que je ne bouge pas. Mais, je dois dire que j’ai perdu 4 livres en 2 semaines, juste en mangeant à ma faim qui est petite, quand j’y pense.

Et j’ai booké les vacances à Cuba.

Je n’ose pas bouger mon cul quand je travaille pas. Et j’ai du ski, samedi, alpin, le matin. Ça va faire mal.

Manque d’amour dans ces lettres, mais Amour quand même.

Amourx.

Blood

Ho hum. I am working from home today which is needed because I've been trapped at work or hostage of my guy's prison, I mean appartment, and lamo-schedule that he doesn't mind imposing on me too much. We had a good fight and seems like I`m guilty of not complaining enough. Noted. In blood.

I don't have high demandes for this bf but perhaps we have crossed that mark now. Too much going on to act upon it which is part of what I am guilty of. Plus a trip to Cuba soon - it won't change anything, but I will enjoy it.

So I need to be in my home, take care of moi.

Amourx.

La Grande fatigue

I’m very fond of Live Writer and my netbook. But I must return the netbook. Bad color, broken hinge.

I had so little life in the past month that I accumulated enough money to pay for the netbook and municipal taxes straight from my bank account. Not bad. I’m still behind in a few things: 2008 income tax, for example. 2008 medical insurance claims too.

I told my Amsterdam boss that I would not keep managing the monster project and that he must find another me asap. I have had enough.

In the last month I missed a lot of parties including our infamous x-mas party. I’m regulating my energy to deliver the undeliverable, and this narrows down my life to eating, sleeping and working. It is getting to be borderline pathological. And if I say borderline pathological it means that I’m way past that line.

It would also cause me to be depressed, you know. The poetry has dried up.

That’s today in a nutshell. Looking for good things like the sun raising earlier in my far west. Looking for the little escape if not the great one.

Amourx.

And counting

Good things of today

My beer, right now
My friendly chats
The boys in my cubby
The train and rising sun view moment
Seeing the sun a little bit earlier
The morning cup of coffee at John’s
Haven Gotten things done

Good thing for tomorrow…

Wednesday slow down
Pay bills (it’s good in a subverted kind of way)
SHOP FOR VACATION

I may start that last one right now.

Amourx.

Counting

Good things of today

The lunch in an unexpected gathering.
The energy that I had all day
The ability to hammer work
The help asked for, and received
Crazy challenge seemingly going well (but is it a lure?)

The green quinoa salad
The guys in my cubby
The glass of white wine well preserved
The small appetite
Not being the last one out

The time to relax at night.

Amourx.