Yes! I turned forty two days ago and I am getting used to it. Truthfully as everyone says, it’s similar to the days before and probably the days after. I’m not unhappy about the number, even if it’s bigger than I ever thought I’d get.
Since this past summer, I have been able to resolve the debilitating anxieties that made work infernal, and were a danger to other spheres in my life! First I booked a therapist but not long after, I knew I had to switch to my old medication - I did and two weeks after, I received a lot of comments about how I looked better and seemed happier and smiley. I was. I keep getting these comments now, and more to the point, I know that the cloud has lifted. I’m glad because this particular type of cloud is heavy on social phobia, distrust, fear, withdrawal and paranoia. Yeech. I stopped seeing my therapist after two or three times, not necessary. It’s crazy how this particular medication create balance and ease for me - such a relief!
I am now deeply happy. My lover has moved in earlier this month, and his things are fitting in with my things just right, just like us. We had our birthdays this month, both were happy events, not quite finished. Beautiful lilies are blooming and withering next to me and I am writing in their perfume.
We are still trying to get pregnant, and since it has been a while we will seek medical assistance. I hope it works out. It’s true that at this point, we are only hoping for a positive test. I guess the other worrying stuff and figuring out how to adapt for a baby or two comes after.
I recently got back deeply into knitting. I don’t know if this is a medicine side-effect, or it’s just a sign that I am healthier and feel like going deeply into fiber and textile stuff. I guess there is a combo of possibilities of creating things, giving, getting recognition, studying colours and soothing textures and techniques. It’s not terribly hard, quite easy in fact. And very repetitive - this part means auto-pilot can be switched on, it stops my mind from rambling on away, and this too is soothing I think.
I always seek to be soothed.
Trips and more celebrations are upcoming - not a boring moment ahead. Work is intense, but lets not delve there. Lets all be happy and warm this november and on.
Amourx.
